Summary: As a final test of a knight's honor before getting his spurs, he was expected to spend a night on his knees in prayer, that he might properly uphold the ideals of chivalry and honor that came with the title about to be bestowed upon him. Kid's test took a slightly different form. Will he still earn his proverbial knighthood?
The pounding in Lou’s head outpaced the
rhythmic sounds of Lightning’s hooves.
She squinted against the late afternoon glare of the sun, trying to
think past the two inch spike it felt like someone was banging into her eye
socket. It took all her willpower to say
on her mount’s back.
She breathed a sigh of relief as the
windmill of Emma’s farm poked up over the horizon. She was almost home, almost done with this
hellacious run, almost to a soft bed and several hours of sleep. She didn’t even want the meal she was usually
starving for after a run. Just a quiet,
dark room for several hours, uninterrupted.
**********
“Rider comin’!”
Kid had been pacing the bunkhouse porch
for the last hour, since about 15 minutes before Lou was due back from her
run. He’d gotten a couple of strange
looks from Buck, but he couldn’t tell the other rider why he was so
worried. It was troublesome sometimes
being the only one in on Lou’s secret.
He started to wilt with relief at the
sight of her galloping in on Lightning.
But then he noticed her slumped posture over the horse’s back, almost as
if she were… unconscious?
“Lou!” he called out in frantic worry,
rushing out into the station yard, past Buck, waiting on his horse to take the
mochila, straight for a now recognizably wild-eyed Lightning. Grabbing the reins, he slowed the large black
horse to a halt, its sides heaving for breath.
Ducking around the animal’s side, Kid was barely in time to catch Lou as
she slid off the horse’s back, the mochila she held clenched in one hand, ready
to pass off.
“Buck, come get the pouch,” he called
urgently, already racing toward the bunkhouse with Lou in his arms. “He’s burnin’ up. I can’t believe he made it all this way!”
“He’s stubborn, that’s fer sure,” Buck
remarked as he bent over to pry the mail bag out of Lou’s fingers. “Damn.
He’s on fire, alright. Better
make sure Emma gets some willowbark tea down him.”
“Thanks,” Kid threw over his
shoulder. “I’ll do that!”
Pushing his way into the bunkhouse, Kid
gently laid Lou down on her bunk. She
moaned slightly, but otherwise didn’t react.
He pushed her hair off her head, then pulled her hat carefully off. What should he do? He vaguely remembered his mother wiping his
head with cold, wet clothes when he was sick.
But was that for a fever? Or
something else? He just couldn’t
remember.
Panicking, he jumped to his feet and ran
for the door, yelling even as he pulled it open.
“Emma!
Emma! Come quick!”
**********
“What do we do, Emma?” Kid asked,
practically wringing his hands with worry.
“He’s got a fever, alright,” Emma
sighed, equally concerned. Standing up
she moved briskly to the stove and started tossing more wood onto the
fire. “Open all the windows,” she
ordered Kid. “We’ve got to keep the air
moving through here, to blow away any infectious gases.”
Kid nodded and ran to open all the
windows in the building.
“Do you think he’ll be alright?” he
asked as he worked.
“I don’t know, Kid,” Emma sighed,
shaking her head. “It’s always hard to
tell with a fever. It could run its course
and he’ll be fine by mornin’, or this could last several days…..” She paused,
obviously fighting not to say what else.
“Or?” Kid anxiously prompted her.
“Or he might not get better,” Emma
practically whispered.
“Lou’s strong,” Kid insisted. “He’ll get better.”
“Your right, Kid,” Emma smiled faintly,
turning back to the stove. “We’ve got to
think positively.
“What else do we do?” Kid asked, as he
propped the last window wide open.
“I think it’s time for you to leave,
Kid,” Emma answered him barely audibly.
“It’s not safe for you to stay here.
Grab some clothes and head over to my place. You boys’ll have to bed down there until….
until Lou’s better.”
“But, won’t you need help?”
Emma looked over at Lou’s small
form. “No, I can handle it. He’s not that big, getting him out of his
clothes won’t be too hard.”
Kid stiffened. He knew what that would lead to and just how
badly it would hurt Lou. He couldn’t let
her secret get out like this. He hadn’t
really ever promised her he wouldn’t tell, and if things got bad enough, he
would tell to save her life. But, for
now…
“If it’s ‘bout contagion, I’ve been
closer ta him fer longer,” Kid said, his southern accent thickening. “’Sides, if yer here, who’d cook? He’s gonna need good food ta get better. And ya don’t want the others gettin’ sick
‘cause of Teaspoon’s cookin’!”
Emma choked back a laugh as she stared
at the tall young man standing so earnestly before her. She tilted her head slightly and stared
deeply in to his pleading, worried eyes.
In that moment, she knew. Lou had
a supporter, someone in on her secret who was willing to help her keep it. After a long moment of consideration, she
nodded.
“Alright, you stay and I’ll go,” she
said briskly, heading toward the door.
“Keep the fire built up. We’ll
make sure you’ve got plenty of wood.
Keep his feet warm and his head as cool as you can. Make sure the air keeps moving in here, no
matter what. Get him out of those
infectious clothes. If you set them in
the oven for 20 minutes, that should burn the dangerous gases out of
them.” She paused at the doorway to look
back at Kid. “You sure about this?”
He nodded, gulping slightly as the
enormity of the task he’d just undertaken really began to dawn on him.
“You’ll have ta make sure he, um,” a
slight blush tinted the edges of her cheeks, “uses the necessary regular
like. At least once a day! Use castor oil if it isn’t coming
natural. It’s in the cupboard over the
counter.” She pointed in the direction
of the counter she used to prepare meals for the riders. “Oh, and whatever you do, don’t feed
him! Starve a fever, feed a cold.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Kid said quietly,
seriously. Hoping he could remember all
her directions. He watched her for a
long moment as she stepped out onto the porch, down the steps and across the
yard to her house. Had he done the right
thing, he wondered, turning to look back at Lou, now shivering fearsomely on
her bunk.
“Please….” a moaned plea issued from her
lips. “I’m sooooooo c-c-c-cold. I’ll do anythin’….”
Kid rushed to her side, pulling the
blanket off his bunk above hers and quickly spreading it over her. “Shhhh,” he whispered. “It’ll be alright. We’ll get ya better, I promise, Lou. Louise.”
Her full name came out, even now in the
solitude of the bunkhouse, as a slight whisper, afraid the wrong person might
hear him say it. But he couldn’t
resist. He still used ‘he’ and ‘him’
when talking about Lou, still called her by the shortened sobriquet, but in his
heart and mind she was now Louise and always would be. He couldn’t help it.
Once she’d calmed down from the bout of
chills she’d been suffering, he pushed the blanket back again and began to pull
her clothes off her, one piece at a time, starting with her coat. At first she lay as unresisting, and
unhelpful, as an infant. After taking
off her coat, boots and socks, he sighed and reached for the buttons of her
shirt.
“Sorry, Lou,” he muttered, trying to
look anywhere but at what his hands were doing as he slipped one button after
another out of its buttonhole.
When he started to pull the unbuttoned
shirt out of the waistband of her trousers, she began thrash about again.
“No, no….” she yelled, batting
ineffectually at his hands. “Don’t.
Please. don’t.” With each movement, she lost strength until
the last word came out as little more than a pained whimper, her hand barely
brushing the backs of Kid’s.
The sound ripped a chunk out of Kid’s
heart. He didn’t know what to do to calm
her though and, with Emma’s words ringing in his ears, he went back to work.
“I’m sorry, Lou,” he repeated, doggedly
pulling the shirt off, then reaching to begin unwrapping the bindings around
her torso that hid the most obvious evidence of her femininity. Closing his eyes, he pulled the last strips
of cloth free and tossed them behind him on the floor with the rest of her
already removed clothes. He pulled his
blanket back up and over her, tucking it carefully under her shoulders so it
wouldn’t shift and then reached underneath it to unfasten her trousers and pull
them, along with her longjohns, off over her feet.
He stepped back, panting with the
exertion of not letting his eyes wander where they’d wanted, not letting his
hands slip where they shouldn’t, not letting the blanket drift revealingly with
his movements and hers. He’d been raised
to be a gentleman, even if they didn’t have much money. But sometimes that was a damned hard ideal to
live up to.
Suddenly, Lou began to mutter
discontentedly. “Too hot,” she mumbled,
pushing at the blanket he’d so tightly wrapped around her.
“No, Lou!” Kid called frantically. “Please, rest. I’ll get some nice cold water fer ya,
alright?” he pleaded.
Flying around the bunkhouse, he gathered
what he needed and soon he was sitting on the edge of Lou’s bunk, wiping her
forehead with a cold, wet dishrag.
“There,” he soothed. “That’s better, isn’t it?”
**********
Emma watched from her porch as Kid
stepped out onto the bunkhouse porch and grabbed another load of wood for the
fire. She nibbled at her lower lip in
worry. Had she made the right choice? Maybe
she should have insisted. It really
wasn’t proper leaving those two alone like that, under these conditions. Then again, with Lou so sick it wasn’t like
they could get up to any shenanigans.
And Kid was so wrapped up in doing the right thing he wouldn’t….
trespass, anyway.
She shook her head and returned to the
table in her dining room, unaccustomedly surrounded by the other riders and
Teaspoon as they gobbled up their dinner.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” she announced
to the room in general. “I’m going to
take Kid’s supper to him.”
Teaspoon looked up from the conversation
he’d been having with Cody and said, “You be careful, Emma. And tell Kid ta be careful, too. Cain’t havin’ no more of my boys gettin’ sick.”
Emma nodded shortly and, with a covered
plate in her hands, stepped out of the house.
**********
Kid looked up at the unusual and
unexpected sound of someone knocking on the bunkhouse door.
“Unh,” Lou muttered, tossing restlessly
in the bunk.
“Shhhh,” Kid murmured soothingly for
what seemed the hundredth time that afternoon.
He tucked the blanket tightly around her, making especially sure the
bottom was under her feet. Then stood
and headed to the door. “Emma.”
“How’s he doing tonight?” Emma asked,
trying to peer over Kid’s shoulder into the bunkhouse.
Hearing Lou’s renewed thrashing about,
Kid shifted position to block the station mistress’ view.
“No change,” he sighed, running one hand
through his hair, leaving deep furrows in the curls ruffled by the wind. “Back and forth ‘tween chills and bein’ too
hot. Got some water down ‘im a bit
ago. I been doin’ like ya said, cold
water compresses on the head an’ hot packs at h.. his feet. But it don’t seem ta be doin’ no good.”
Emma held out the plate in her
hands. “Well, here’s your supper,” she
said. “Don’t give any to Lou, no matter
what. Not ‘til after the fever
breaks. The cup’s for him, though. It’s Buck’s willowbark tea. Really does wonders for a fever. See if you
can get that down him. And don’t forget,
he’ll need to use the necessary soon, if he hasn’t already.” She paused, then added anxiously, “Are you
sure you’re going to be alright alone?”
Kid nodded uneasily.
“Um, yeah. We’ll manage,” he muttered, praying the
evening shadows hid the blush he knew was creeping up his neck.
“Call if you need anything,” she added
as she nodded uncertainly and turned to head back toward her house.
Kid closed the door behind her with
relief, set the supper plate down and took a deep breath before turning to face
the bunk where Lou was moaning and moving restlessly about. As he’d feared, she’d fought her way clear of
the blanket he’d left tightly wrapped around her. The sight of her smooth, lightly bronzed skin
hit him like a punch in the gut. He
quickly raised his eyes to his own bunk, over her head and moved half-blindly
back to her side.
Settling onto the bunk at her side, he
once again wrapped the blanket around her.
He was getting pretty danged good at turning her into a mummy without
looking. But just the touch, the feel of
her warm, soft skin under his hands as he fumbled to wrap her up, was enough to
make him wonder what was more invasive of her privacy, looking or touching.
Short of breath himself, trying to
ignore his own body’s reaction to her nearness and near nakedness, he grabbed
the cup of willowbark tea in one hand and gently raised her head with his other
hand until her lips touched the edge of the cup.
“Please,” he whispered hoarsely. “Please drink this and get better, Louise.”
It took some effort on his part, but
eventually he managed to get most of the tea down her, one sip at a time. He wasn’t sure, but thought it was doing some
good. She seemed, calmer, at least.
**********
Lou fought to make sense of the image
swirling through her brain in a kaleidoscope of colors and emotions. One moment she was burning hot, the next so
cold her teeth chattered. Only one thing
kept her grounded, Kid. Every time
disturbing memories started to surge forward and take over, the sound of his
voice as he talked to her, the feel of his strong hands as he brought cooling
relief or warming comfort helped her remember where and when she was. Barely.
She could tell she was starting to
surface as the words Kid was saying started to make sense again.
“Please, Louise, you gotta wake up,” he
begged. She could hear the tears in his
voice and wondered why he was so upset.
“If you don’t wake up, I’m gonna have ta call Emma so’s she can take ya
to the… the… outhouse.”
The last word came out in a distressed
hiss. She wondered why he was suddenly
so concerned about using it in front of her, then realized he was using her
full name.
“Come on, Louise,” he pleaded, shaking
her shoulders with a gentle roughness.
“Wake up.”
“Lou… m’name’s Lou,” she mumbled
remonstratively. “Call me… Lou!”
“I’ll call ya Bob’s my uncle if ye’ll
open yer eyes and talk sense to me, Lou!”
Sighing, she did as he asked. “Happy?”
“Lou!” he breathed in ecstatic
relief. “Thank God!”
“Kin I go back ta sleep now?” she asked,
her eyelids already sinking closed.
“No!” He shook her again, determined to
keep her awake. “You gotta stay with me,
Lou.”
“Wha…?”
“Listen, can you get dressed, if I help
ya? And make it out ta the necessary on
yer own?” To his credit there was barely
a pause before he said the word this time.
“Why?” she mumbled. “Just wanna sleep.”
“Emma says ya gotta…. you know…
regular. And if ya can’t do it on yer
own I gotta dose ya with castor oil and clean ya up later. Like a baby.”
He practically wailed the final words, squirming in discomfort. “Please, Lou.” He shook her gently once again.
“Alright, alright,” she mumbled, pushing
herself sluggishly up on her elbows.
“I’m up.”
She started to swing her legs off the
edge of the bunk but stopped at Kid’s gasped, “Hold on a sec!”
“Wha now?!” she demanded grouchily.
“Uh, Lou, ya need some clothes on. Ya cain’t walk ta the outhouse in the all
together!”
“What?!!!!” she shrieked, looking down
at herself. “How’d I end up like
this? You told didn’t you? I ougha--”
“No!”
Kid held up his hands for peace.
“I didn’t tell. Wouldn’t even let
Emma stay ta take care of ya. That’s why
it’s just you an’ me in here. We’re
sorta quarantined.”
“You?!?”
The word came out as a strangled accusation.
“Well, you were in no shape ta do it and
yer clothes needed ta be cleaned,” Kid shrugged, blushing sheepishly. “I didn’t look or nothin’. I promise.”
“Hmph.”
“Here, put these on,” Kid said, holding
out his spare pair of longjohns.
“Where are mine?” she asked tiredly,
grabbing them from him.
“They was already on the clothesline,”
Kid shrugged. “Ain’t had time ta go get
‘em.”
“Turn around,” she ordered, clutching
the blanket to her chest tightly.
“Um., how’s ‘bout I stand here with my
eyes closed and hold a blanket up in front of ya?” he suggested.
She shrugged as she struggled to her feet. “Just don’t peek.”
Kid dutifully closed his eyes, even
pulling the blanket up over his face so if he accidentally opened them he
wouldn’t see anything. This time. He’d done his best, but he hadn’t been able
to avoid catching glimpses of her lovely body here and there over the last
several hours. Much like that first
time, when he’d discovered her secret, they were images that would be
permanently seared into his memory.
Even now, as she moved about pulling on
his longjohns, he could imagine every move and felt a sudden intense jealousy
of his own woolen underwear. He shook
his head at his own foolishness.
**********
Emma stood on the porch of her house, a
cup of steaming coffee cradled in her hands, untouched. Her eyes remained glued in worried concentration
on the bunkhouse. She should’ve
stayed. Lou’s secrets be damned.
She straightened as the sound of the
bunkhouse door swinging open shimmied across the station yard to her ears. Her eyes sharpened as Kid helped a weakened
Lou, wrapped in a blanket and wearing an obviously oversized pair of longjohns. She stepped forward, one hand coming up to
clench around the porch post.
“It’s good ta see them boys startin’ ta
take ta each other like fam’ly.”
“Wha?”
She looked behind her, startled to see
Teaspoon coming out of the kitchen door.
He stepped up next to her at the porch railing, and nodded toward Kid
and Lou, just as Lou stumbled and Kid caught the smaller rider up in both arms
and carried Lou the rest of the way to the outhouse.
“Does a heart good ta see how close them
young’uns ‘re gettin’,” Teaspoon clarified.
“Oh,” Emma said in a small voice. She watched as Lou entered the outhouse,
carefully shutting the door behind her.
Kid leaned back against the side of the small outbuilding, studiously looking
up at the stars filling the sky overhead, whistling a tuneless tune. When Lou came out a moment later, she
practically collapsed into Kid’s arms.
He lifted her carefully up, conscientiously tucking the blanket around
her before heading back to the bunkhouse with her cradled to his chest.
Emma looked back at the pleased as punch
smile on Teaspoon’s face and shook her head.
She wondered if he’d seen what she’d just seen. How could he be so blind to Lou’s secret, or
the tenderness growing between her and the Kid?
**********
By the time Kid got back to the
bunkhouse Lou was once again asleep, unconscious?, in his arms. He gently lowered her to her bunk and checked
her head. Her fever, which had come down
for awhile, was going back up.
He knew he was in for a long night.
**********
The warmth of Kid’s arms surrounded her,
keeping her floating on an island of safety and hopefulness. She never wanted to leave it.
His voice was a soothing rumble that
soothed the pounding ache in her head.
But then he left.
The hovering black clouds of doom his
presence had been holding back began to close in on her. It had so many arms and all of them were
trying to hurt her. There was her father,
slapping her for every word she said, calling her an unruly tomboy, unladylike,
unrefined, unfit. There was the janitor
at the Mission, sneaking touches and pinches on softly budding womanly curves
anytime the nuns weren’t looking. There
was him. The man she’d thought had saved
her from freezing or starving. His hands
hurt her. His words slammed into her
ears, piercing through her eardrums straight to her brain, a taunting diatribe
she could never fully erase, no matter how hard she tried.
She tried to push them away. She tried to hit them, like she’d learned to
with the other boys. She tried to yell
at them. But they wouldn’t go away.
Until he came back. He brought cool relief to the heat trying to
tear her head in two. But, more
important, he kept the demons at bay. So,
when his voice faded, as if he were going to leave again, she latched on. She couldn’t survive without his presence.
**********
“No,” she murmured, “Don’t go.
Don’t leave me. They’ll get me. They’ll win. They always win. Don’t… go.”
Her hands clenched around the fabric of
his shirt in such a tight fist he couldn’t release her grip.
“Shhhh,” Kid whispered, giving in. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The sound of his voice calmed her
some. But she still wouldn’t let go,
still wouldn’t relax into the deep, healing sleep she needed. After a few minutes, he gave in and crawled
up onto the bunk next to her, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms
around her.
He was sooo tired. He’d been running around all afternoon and
evening taking care of her. He decided
to just lean his head back against the wall and rest his eyes a bit. Then he’d get up and get some fresh, cold water
to help keep her cool.
When she became restless at his silence,
he began to croon an old lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he wasn’t
feeling well.
Sleep
my child and peace attend thee,
All
through the night
Guardian
angels God will send thee,
All
through the night
Soft
the drowsy hours are creeping
Hill
and vale in slumber sleeping,
I
my loving vigil keeping
All
through the night.
While
the moon her watch is keeping
All
through the night
While
the weary world is sleeping
All
through the night
O'er
thy spirit gently stealing
Visions
of delight revealing
Breathes
a pure and holy feeling
All
through the night.
Love,
to thee my thoughts are turning
All
through the night
**********
Emma hurried over to the bunkhouse, a
covered plate with Kid’s breakfast in one hand, a piping hot cup of willowbark
tea in the other for Lou. She anxiously
stepped up onto the porch and set the dishes down to knock on the door.
No one answered.
Frowning in worry, she looked around and
decided to go ahead. Pushing the door
open, she peered inside. Lou was resting
comfortable, a sheen of sweat glinting off her forehead in the morning sunlight
pouring through the open window, wrapped tightly in Kid’s arms. The young man was just as soundly snoozing as
Lou, unaware how the way he cuddled her to him screamed her gender to the
world.
Reassured, Emma stepped quietly into the
room and tiptoed over to the couple.
Reaching out, she pressed the back of her hand against Lou’s forehead and
smiled in relief. A perfectly normal
temperature.
Her smile grew broader as, in her sleep,
Lou’s hand reached up and cupped Kid’s cheek, pulling him closer to her. He snuggled his face down against her hair
and both sighed, slipping back into a deep slumber.
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