The Courtship of James Hunter McCloud, chapter 12

Chapter 12

“No, no, you can’t be gone, Jamie, no!” Julia panted the half-prayer, half-diatribe over and over again as she pushed the snow away from first a hand, then an arm, a shoulder and, finally, a face.  A cold, immobile face.

“No,” she let out a wail to wake the dead as she collapsed over Jamie’s body in grief, sobs pouring out of her like water from a broken pitcher.  Guilt over what she’d said and done, and what she hadn’t, filled the empty places he’d left behind, burning their imprint into her soul.  Eventually, she quieted, not for lack of grief, but because the deepest levels of emotion can only be maintained for short periods of time.  As her sobs drained away to nothing, a tiny corner of her brain wondered where her Aunt Lou was.  All the noise should have had her coming on the run.

Lifting her head, she suddenly noticed the chest she’d been resting on wasn’t… still.  It moved up and down slowly, painfully slowly.  Then… she felt the soft pat of a hand on her back.

“Jamie!” she exclaimed in joyful realization as she turned to look at his face, still blue with cold.  But now his eyes were slitted open.

“Must’ve decided on Hell,” he muttered.  “Gonna spend eternity with women cryin’ all over me.”  Then his eyelids fluttered shut, once again hiding the beautiful crystal blue of his eyes from the world.

“Jamie,” she gasped again, this time plastering hot kisses across the cold skin of his face.  “No, wake up, darlin’.  Don’t leave me.  Wake up!”

“Don’t worry none, I ain’t gonna let ‘im pass just yet.”

The cold words, colder than the wind and snow surrounding them, followed by a quick, vicious kick to Jamie’s ribs that elicited little more than a groan, brought Julia’s head up with a snap.

“Carl!”

**********

He stood there looking down at the bedraggled female, hunkered protectively over his rival’s body.  What had he ever found attractive about her, he wondered idly to himself.  Not that it mattered now.  She was his, even if she didn’t know it yet.  Once he had his revenge on the worthless snot at his feet, he’d take her home.  She could cook, he knew that much.  Maybe she could make his Ma’s life easier while keeping him warm during the cold winter nights.

But, first things first.

**********

“Carl, what’re you doin’ here?”

He leered down at her as he reached for something inside his ratty jacket.  “Gettin’ what you’ve been promisin’ me since grade school, Injun gal.”

“Carl?” Julia’s voice grew small as she heard the outright hatred in his voice and saw the Colt revolver he’d pulled from his jacket, already cocked.  “What… what do you want?”

“Oh, we’ll discuss that at length,” he promised, his disturbing gaze sweeping her from head to toe.  “But first, come with me.  We’re gonna wake yer beau up, so’s he kin join the party.”

**********

Splash!

The cold water running across his face, down his cheeks, through his hair and into his clothes jerked Jamie out of his pleasant haze.  The sounds of Julia quietly sobbing in the background caressed his ears.

“Yep, Hell,” he muttered to himself as he tried to escape the Devil’s plans for him for at least a few more minutes in the warmth of his dreams.  Dreams where Julia plastered his face with kisses and whispered sweet nothings in his ears.

“Oh no you don’t,” Carl hissed, leaning down to wrap his fingers tightly around Jamie’s chin and shake his head back and forth.  “Yer gonna wake up and yer gonna watch while I get my share of that slut over there.  And yer gonna know that she’s mine from now on.  Yer gonna watch us ride off together, knowing that even if you get out of here alive,” Carl’s voice dropped to a harsh whisper as he finished, “You’ll never see her again.  And I’ll be havin’ her every night and most days.”

**********

The only thing that kept Julia from losing it, from striking out at Carl with every ounce of her frame no matter how futile, was knowing her Aunt Lou was out there somewhere.  That and the fear that anything she might do would push Carl even further over the edge than he’d obviously already gone.  She worried what he might do to Jamie then.

She cast another worried glance at her childhood love, now propped up against a tree, barely hanging on to consciousness.  His face was beaten to a pulp.  She could barely make out his features anymore through the bruising and swelling.  She knew from helping him move that he had a major goose egg on the back of his head, most likely from when he fell off his horse.  Not to mention the bullet hole in his back and the odd twisting of his leg that told her it was most likely broken.  There was little he could do to help them out of the situation other than groan and struggle to stay upright.

“Take off yer clothes.”

“What?” Julia turned wide eyes toward her tormentor.

“Ya heard me.  I know ya ain’t got no problem gettin’ nekkid in front of him,” Carl sneered.  “So one more watcher ain’t gonna make no never mind to ya.  Though I gotta warn ya, after this ya take yer clothes off in front of anyone but me and ye’ll look worse’n him.”

“I will not,” she sniffed at her haughtiest, even going so far as to tip her nose into the air. Though she regretted that move almost immediately when a snowflake went straight down one nostril.

The ominous sound of a hammer clicking back on a gun sharpened her focus on Carl as he grinned maliciously at her.

“Oh, ya will, or I’ll shoot him again,” he sneered.  “Somewhere what won’t kill ‘im, just make ‘im hurt a bit more.  Ya wouldn’t want that, now would ya?”

Julia looked back over at Jamie, trying to shake his head at her, telling her in his own, silly, protective way not to do what Carl was ordering.  Her heart twisted.  She could handle much of his foolishness, but she couldn’t let him get shot, again, over her.

Slowly, her hand moved up toward the top button of her coat.  As it slipped free and her hand moved down the line to the next button, she kept her gaze focused on Jamie.  She’d imagined many times disrobing for him.  But not like this.  If she kept her eyes on his and the way they devoured her in their unique blue heat, she could pretend it was just the two of them, their wedding night.  It really wasn’t so hard, then, she thought as she pulled the shirt off her shoulders and let it drop into the snow on top of her coat.  She shivered in the winter wind, nothing but her thin cotton chemise left to stop the cold.  But the heat in Jamie’s eyes warmed her from the inside out.

“Hurry it up, Injun,” Carl panted, wetting his lower lip as his eyes followed the movement of Julia’s hand.

And she realized there was a way to distract him.  Ripping her gaze from Jamie’s she began to watch Carl instead.  The pistol he’d held to Jamie’s head had begun to waiver as his arm tired and his attention focused on her.  Instinctively slowing her movements, she bent over as she pushed the trousers over her hips and let them slide down her legs.

“That’s it,” he whispered, a fevered light in his eyes.

“Uh, I need some help here,” she murmured as seductively as she could manage through her inability to breathe properly.  “I can’t get them off over my shoes and... the snow is too cold.”

Carl stumbled as he rushed to her side, dropping the pistol on the ground when he fell to his knees in front of her.

“I knew it,” he muttered as he reached for one foot.  “I knew ya wanted me.”

“Wanted you to drop the pistol, you bet,” Julia murmured as she pulled back and kicked him in the chin as hard as she could with both legs still trapped in her pants.  She had enough force to throw his head back and push Carl onto his back.

She jerked her trousers up and held them closed with one hand even as she bent over and began scrambling through the snow, searching for the pistol with the other.  Just as her hand closed over the cold steel of the muzzle, her head was jerked back by the handful of hair Carl had wrapped his hand in.

“Thought ya could put one over on me, did ya?  I ain’t so stupid as that.”

Dragging her kicking and squirming into his embrace, he wrapped both arms around hers to hold her in place and plastered his mouth on hers.  But she’d managed to hold onto the gun and get it turned around.  Just as she was about to cock the trigger, Carl’s hold on her relaxed, his eyes widened and he fell away from her with a surprised grunt.

Without Carl’s possessive clutch, Julia fell to the ground as well, crumpling in place.  Still cradling the pistol with her finger on the trigger, she looked up into the grim face of her Aunt Lou.

“What took you so damned long?”

“Had ta wait ‘til ya had him occupied and distracted.  What took you so long?” Lou responded with a warning bite in her voice.  She bent over and hit Carl in the back of the head again when he started to stir.  This time he slumped over, finally completely unconscious.  “Least I got here before you shot him.  Woulda hated havin’ ta take ya home in handcuffs.  Yer Pa woulda killed me fer sure.”

“He was holding a gun on us, on Jamie,” Julia sputtered.

“So?” Lou shrugged.  “You’da been acquitted at trial fer self-defense.  Wouldn’ta changed me havin’ ta arrest ya.  Things ain’t the way they was ‘round here when I was young.  They’ve gotten civilized.”

Without waiting for another word from Julia, she knelt down at Jamie’s side and carefully began inspecting his injuries.  “Didn’t stop you once ya made up yer mind ta do something.  ‘Sides, I couldn’t get a clear shot at him ‘til ya got him distracted enough fer me ta leave cover.” Pointing at Jamie’s leg with her chin, she added, “Check that leg.  Is it as bad as it looks?”

“Would you two stop chattering like a pair of hens and help me out here?” Jamie muttered through gritted teeth. v“It’s cold, I’m barely holdin’ on ta my wits and I hurt,” he complained.

Julia knelt on Jamie’s other side and ripped open his pants’ leg to inspect the flesh beneath.  The material unexpectedly tore all the way up to the hip, leaving his muscled limb completely bared to her gaze.  Julia flushed at the sight and what it made her feel, especially sitting there staring at him while he was barely conscious, under his mother’s gaze.  She tentatively reached out and ran her hand up and down the skin, marveling at how soft it was, despite the tensile strength of the muscles beneath.  The sight of the bruises already mottling his thigh distracted her from her growing curiosity.

Concentrating on the injury, she began to gingerly push and prod at it to get a feel of the bone wrapped in all that interesting skin and muscle.

“Ow!” Jamie suddenly screeched, pushing her away with surprising strength.

“Sorry,” she muttered. “Sorry.”  But she went back to her probing, trying to be a little more gentle.  Finally, “It’s definitely broken,” she said.  “I can feel both ends.”

“I guess it’s a blessing the bone didn’t break through the skin,” Lou sighed, rocking back on her heels.  “But if it’s broken there’s no way he can ride.  Not even double.”

“What are we going to do?” Julia asked,

“We’ll have to build a travois,” Lou answered.  Looking at her son, she added, “It’ll still hurt like you ain’t never felt before.  But it’ll be easier than tryin’ ta ride.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” Jamie sighed, letting his head fall back against the tree trunk.

Chapter 13

The Courtship of James Hunter McCloud, chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jamie tried to lose himself in the rhythms of his racing mount.  He welcomed the sharp pain of the cold wind as it tore through his inadequate clothing.  He hadn’t been dressed properly for his impromptu ride and the prairie had no pity on a mourning man.  That was exactly the way he wanted things.  The more physical pain he took on, the more it distracted him from the pain in his chest.  He could barely breathe, but he could blame the cold air for his troubles, not a chest paralyzed with loss.

Leaning down over his horse’s neck, Jamie urged it on, trying to outrace his troubles.

**********

Julia sat by the window, staring out into the afternoon sky, grey with clouds.  Abe’s impassioned words to her still ringing in her ears.

We could be happy, sure.  But is that enough?  I had parents who were deeply in love.  I want what they had.  And I just don’t see that spark with us.  You have it, though, with your Jamie.  Don’t let others’ prejudices steal it from you.  You wouldn’t let them keep you from getting your degree.  Don’t let them take your happiness instead!

Was he right?  Was she letting what others thought get in the way of what she and Jamie could have.  When it was just the two of them they’d never worried about white or Indian, about male or female.  They were just… Jamie and Julia.  Could they be happy with that, despite the reactions of people like Carl?

She began nibbling on the fingernails of her right hand as she contemplated the possibility.  The sounds of her family, both her families, celebrating the holiday enveloped her in a blanket comforting warmth as she did so.

**********

It wasn’t until he realized his horse was struggling that Jamie slowed his pace to a walk.  That’s when he realized tears were streaming down his face unchecked.  The salty moisture freezing before it reached his chin.

He hastily wiped the tears away with his sleeve and looked around him.  Without thinking about it, he’d headed in the direction of their favorite thinking spot at the swimming hole.  Shrugging to himself, he let the horse continue on its way, unchecked.  If he couldn’t have her, at least he could have his memories of her.

Maybe, someday, that would be enough.

**********

“Have you seen Jamie?”

Julia turned haunted eyes to her Aunt Lou and shook her head.

“No,” she said, barely above a whisper.  “Not since shortly after breakfast.  He… he … went for a ride.”

Without another word, she resumed her vigil at the window, watching as the clouds blocked out the lowering sun and darkened the prairie sky.

**********

“Ungh!”

Jamie never heard the gunshot, just felt the pain of the bullet tearing open the flesh of his back.  The force of the impact had him startling forward in the saddle momentarily, then slumping over to slide completely off and land in a nearby ditch.

His mount, still young and easily excitable, took fright at the fall and the follow-up gunshot that struck his flank.  With a bellow of pained anger the animal bolted.

**********

“I’m gettin’ worried,” Lou said, standing near the front windows of the Big House, Kid’s arms wrapped around her from behind.  “He’s been gone all day.  He left his chores completely untouched fer the others ta do.  And he didn’t take his winter gear with him.”

“He’s not stupid, Lou,” Kid sighed, resting his chin on top of her head wearily, trying to hide his own nagging worry behind logic.  “He knows how ta handle the prairie.  He’s a grown man, ye’ve got ta let him be.  We rode out in a lot worse than this, with a lot less preparation than he’s had.”

Lou snorted.  “Please, these children aren’t half as grown as we were at that age.  We’ve coddled them.”  Then added, much more quietly, “Maybe too much.”

“We’ve also taught them to take care of themselves,” Kid whispered reassuringly, nuzzling against her neck as he hugged her tighter.  “And he’s got yer smarts.  He’s fine.  You’ll see.”

Lou subsided, but continued to worry.  This wasn’t like her eldest child.  Not at all.  Something had happened.  She felt it in her gut.  A searching glance across the room showed Julia still seated in the chaise lounge, chin resting on her arms as she nibbled at her fingernails and stared out the window in the direction in which Jamie had presumably ridden.

**********

Jamie stared up at the gloomy sky, wondering what had happened.  He was numb, except where he hurt.  His leg felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t move his head without someone pounding a sharpened railroad spike through it.

“Julia,” he whispered, the word lost in the increasingly fierce prairie wind.

**********

Lou walked out of the kitchen, wiping her hands dry on the dish towel she’d been using to help Dawn Star clean the dishes.  She paused at the entrance to the living room and looked straight toward the seat Julia had occupied all day long.  She still sat there, staring out the window and Lou’s eyes followed hers.

It was getting dark out.  The sun set early this time of year.  And her boy still wasn’t home.

“I’m going out,” Julia suddenly announced to the room in general, practically jumping out of the chaise lounge in which she’d been ensconced.  “Something’s wrong.  He wouldn’t stay out after dark, no matter how mad.”

Lou dropped the dish towel over the back of the nearest chair and moved toward the door, meeting up with Julia just short of the entrance.

“I’m goin’ with ya,” she said.  “Yer right, somethin’s wrong and I’m not leavin’ my boy out there ta freeze ta death.”

Kid looked up from the checkers game he was playing with Buck and sighed, shaking his head.  “We’d better go along, if nothing else to protect the boy from his mother’s wrath when she realizes she worried over nothing.”

Buck laughed tensely.  “You sure about that?  She’s been known ta be right when she gets a feelin’ somethin’s wrong.”

Kid tossed an odd look at him, almost a warning glare, as he reluctantly moved over to where his wife and Julia were huddled together, rapidly laying out plans.

“If yer gonna start a search ya might want ta start with the proper clothes,” he muttered, plucking at Lou’s skirts.  “You two ain’t gonna get far dressed like that.”

Lou looked at him and nodded briskly.  “Yer right.”  Turning to the younger woman, she began to issue orders like a general.  “Julia, go change.  I’ll meet ya at the barn in five minutes.  We’ll start our search to the west, since ya said that’s the direction you and Abe saw him ridin’ off in.”

Without another word, she wrapped her scarf around her head and tossed the end over her shoulder.

Julia turned toward the stairs but stopped when she heard Lou’s pained gasp.  Spinning on her heel she ran to the door Lou was holding open and peered out, over the shorter woman’s head.

Jamie’s horse was trotting into the yard, looking around, seemingly bewildered.  The young horse looked blown and… was that blood streaming down its flank?

Julia pushed past the gathering cloud to grab the horse’s trailing reins.  Then she turned to examine the animal’s flank, running her hand gently, soothingly across the shivering skin as she crooned to the frightened animal.

“He’s been shot,” she breathed.

“I told you my boy was in trouble,” Lou stormed, smacking Kid upside the head with the back of her hand as she rushed toward the barn.  “Now we’re goin’ ta find him.”

Julia was right on her heels.

Kid jogged to catch up with his furious wife and grabbed her arm, dodging her reactive strikes until he had hold of both her arms.  “Will ya calm down long enough ta talk ta me,” he gritted out.  “I’m just tryin’ ta help.”

“Like ya helped by tellin’ me he was fine and ta let him be, he’d make it home on his own?  Well that obviously ain’t the case!”

“I was wrong.  I admit it.  But how could I have foreseen this?  Tell me?  What in the last twenty years would lead you to believe one of our children would be shot off his horse?  Well?”

Lou stilled in his arms and just glared up at him.  Kid sighed.  “I was just tryin’ ta tell ya you’d be better off changing, like ya’d planned.  Buck and I can saddle the horses.  We’ll do this search right.  Think like the Marshal ya are, instead of like a distraught Ma.”

Lou inhaled a quick, deep breath and nodded shortly.  Still not speaking, she ripped out of his grip and stomped off, changing direction toward the house.  Kid sighed.  It would take awhile for her to forgive him for this, even longer for him to forgive himself.  He shared a worried look with Buck.  But first, they had to find his son.  What had happened?

**********

“Alright, Kid, you and Buck ride toward the Tarkoski’s, check if he’s there, get Janusz out searching as well, if he isn’t.  Rachel can come here with the children, if she wants.”  Lou paused in her spate of commands to think a moment, then turned to the older boys, including Jed and Willie.  “You boys head toward town.  We don’t know which direction he went and who knows who might’ve seen him or what he’s done.  Spread out to cover all approaches.  If you don’t find anything, roust out my deputy and get him in on the search.”

It was as if having put on what she considered her work uniform, from the men’s, well boy’s, boots to the star on her chest and the hat on her head, had forced her to push aside her frantic grief and worry until she got the job done.

“The rest of you men, head north.  Check all the regular riding paths we use.  Don’t stop until you reach Canada, you hear me?”  The gathered hired hands nodded in understanding.  Finally, Lou turned to the young woman mounted at her side.  “Julia, you and I’ll ride west.  You said that was the direction he was headed when he left?”

Julia nodded.

“We’ll check the riding trails there, the swimming hole and any other favorite spots you two might have out there.  I don’t care how private or hidden they might be, you’re going to tell me where they are,” Lou ground out firmly.

“Yes, ma’am,” Julia said, ducking her chin and blushing slightly.  Then she shook her head and looked over at her Aunt Lou, calmly sending the searchers off on their various tasks.  There was no time for embarrassment, or even fear, now.  They had to concentrate on the task at hand and find Jamie.  Before it was too late.

“Let’s ride,” Lou said urgently and kicked her horse into motion.  Julia turned her mount and followed at what quickly turned into a hard gallop.

**********

“Here,” Lou said, handing over a piece of jerky she’d pulled out of her saddlebag.  Julia looked at it with distaste and Lou smiled dryly.  “You need the energy in this cold.  You’re no help to him if you drive yourself into a state of exhaustion.”

Julia nodded quietly and ripped a bite off with her teeth.  Something about the necessary force of the motion was slightly satisfying to her need for urgency and force, so she chewed heartily with renewed relish.  Glancing over, she saw Lou swallow the last of her first mouthful and tip the canteen up to her lips.

She’d always loved and admired her Aunt Lou.  But her respect for the older woman had grown by leaps and bounds this night.  Not since that first moment of frantic fear had she lost control or not thought about what had to be done to get Jamie back.  She’d been tough as leather and dangerous as a rattler all night.  It was no wonder the town had kept her on as marshal all these years, despite her being a woman.

“Chew,” Lou ordered quietly and Julia shook her head to free it of the noisome thoughts and fears tumbling about even as she obeyed Lou’s command and took another bite of the tough jerky.

**********

Jamie drifted in and out of awareness.  One moment sure and certain he was dying, the next feeling the warmth of a friendly fire.  Maybe God hadn’t decided yet exactly where he belonged, Jamie thought to himself at one point, and had chosen not to let him die until He’d made up His mind.

**********

Buck stood up from the tracks he’d been investigating and turned back toward his horse.

“Well?” an impatient Kid asked.

Buck simply shook his head and remounted.

“If it wasn’t him, who was it?” Kid demanded impatiently.

“The Unruhs from over by Fairbury,” Buck said quietly.  “They’ve got a horse with a particular notch in the shoe.  Easy to recognize.”

Kid seemed to deflate with the confirmation that they had tumbled down another blind alley.  Buck reached over and punched him lightly in the arm.

“Don’t worry,” Buck reassured his old friend.  “He probably never came this way anyways.  Either Lou and Julia’ll find him or the boys will tumble across him safe and sound in a saloon, tryin’ ta drink away his sorrows with no idea anything’s happened.”

“I hope yer right,” Kid muttered as he clicked to his horse to get her moving again.

**********

Violent shivers overtook Jamie’s body as he opened his eyes.  Fat, wet flakes of snow drifted down to the ground around him.

“No,” Jamie murmured, barely audibly.  The snow would cover his tracks, the horse’s tracks.  They’d never find him if a true storm set in.

**********

“Nobody in town’s seen him since Sunday services,” Harry said as he stepped out of the bakery to rejoin Jed and Willie.  “Y’all have any luck?”

Jamie’s brothers shook their heads, their faces carrying twin looks of worry and exhaustion.

“Guess we better head over to the Marshal’s office and find Horton,” Harry sighed.

“I just hope Ma and Julia are havin’ better luck than us,” Willie said as they all turned and headed down the boardwalk.  Head bowed, hand stuffed in his coat pockets, he added under his breath, “Jamie, if yer dead and dyin’ in a ditch somewheres, I’ll kill ya soon’s we find ya.”

**********

Frustrated, Jamie began to try to move.  Maybe, if he could crawl closer to a regular trail, that would increase his chances of being found.  Suddenly, he couldn’t stand the thought of Julia at his funeral, leaning on Abe’s arm for comfort.  The image gave him strength and he began to actually make progress.

“Oh no you don’t.  Can’t have you gettin’ outa here on yer own, or dyin’ on me ‘fore she gets here.”

**********

“There!” Julia pointed excitedly toward an area where something had obviously stumbled around in the drifts, creating a large crater of dirty snow, some if it even looking… bloody.  She started to push her horse forward, but Lou reached out and grabbed her arm.

Julia looked at her in question and opened her mouth to object, but Lou held up a finger to her lips.

“There’s somethin’ odd here,” Lou whispered, barely heard above the rising winter wind.  “We gotta tread careful.”

“But… Jamie, he could be hurt out there,” Julia objected in a furiously lowered voice.  “We can’t waste time jumping at shadows.”

Lou shook her head.  “We won’t do him no good, if we’re dead or injured, too.  Just….” she waved a hand aimlessly at the anxious younger woman, “just let me think a minute.”

Julia grumbled a bit, but subsided, letting her eyes search the trail in the snow as far back as she could see.  Finally Lou grunted.

“Alright, looks ta me like this trail leads back ta the swimmin’ hole.”

Julia nodded.  “I know, that’s what I was tryin’ ta tell ya earlier.”

“But there’s somethin’ odd ‘bout it that I can’t quite put my finger on.”

Julia shrugged helplessly.

“You follow the trail. Think both of us know where it’s goin’ ta lead, in general anyways,” Lou continued.  “I’m gonna ride around and come up from the other direction, out of the wind and the weather.  If there’s anyone there worth worryin’ ‘bout, they’ll be busy with yer arrival when I get there.”

“Alright,” Julia nodded doubtfully.  “Can I go now?”

“No, wait here and count to 100,” Lou said.  “That’ll give me time ta work my way around without bein’ noticed.”  Looking at Julia finally, Lou smiled reassuringly.  “Trust me.  He’ll be alright.”

The tightness around the edges of her smile and eyes put the lie to her words, but Julia didn’t challenge her.  She just started counting.

**********

“Jamie?  Are you here?” Julia paused, straightening after ducking under the low hanging branches of yet another tree.  She’d tried the obvious spot first, but Jamie hadn’t been there, nor any sign that he’d ever been there.  Now she’d spent the last 20 minutes walking through the dense growth surrounding the swimming hole.  Her hopes were waning.  “Can you hear me, Jamie?  You better not be dead, James Hunter McCloud, I’ve got a few things ta say to you!”

The threats bouyed her spirits momentarily, but then her mind began to go back over her fruitless search as she continued to move through the copse of trees, searching every nook and cranny.  The trail she’d followed to the swimming hole had mysteriously disappeared just outside the first ring of trees and bushes, as if the animal that made it had come out of nowhere.  And she’d found no sign of--

“Oof!”

Julia shook her head as she pushed herself back up onto her knees.  What had she just tumbled over.  Looking back over her shoulder she saw the edge of a piece of blue wool sticking out from under the snow.  It was the exact same shade as the shirt Jamie had been wearing at Christmas breakfast.  Had it only been a few hours ago?

“Jamie?!” she shrieked as she scrambled toward that slice of blue hope and began frantically shoveling snow out of her way.

Chapter 12

War Correspondents: The Beginning

Author's Note:  This is the first in a new series inspired by Ken Burns' The Civil War series.  It is simply a series of letters between Lou and Kid during the war.  This is a personal challenge as the format severely limits what I can say and how while still getting the story told.  I hope you enjoy.

March 15, 1862

Near Manassas, Virginia

My dearest Lou Louise Lou,

I miss you. I miss you so much at times I feel like vomiting.  You know I’ve never been good with words, but there’s the truth of things.  I knew leaving you would be the hardest thing I would ever do, but actually doing it was even worse.  Every night on the way here, I would close my eyes and see your face, tears streaming down your cheeks as you waved goodbye to me.  You have no idea how close I came to turning back.  I may be back in Virginia now, but my heart remains in Nebraska with you and our child.

I pray you are doing well.  I am sure Teaspoon and Rachel are taking good care of you, if you’re letting them.  Please, darling, let them.  For my sake, if not yours.

While I continually found myself looking for you on the trip here I am eternally grateful you didn’t come.  I won’t go into details about the trials of the journey.  It’s nothing you aren’t familiar with yourself, except for the number of brigands afflicting the country right now.  It seems like every man with an ax to grind between Nebraska and the Atlantic Ocean is taking advantage of these hostilities to carve out a little piece of the pie for himself.  I almost lost my horse three times.  And that was just in Missouri!  Thank God I left Katy with you. 

          Ever since I arrived in Virginia last week, I’ve continually found myself looking for you at my side, wanting to share some new sight from my childhood with you.  You have no idea how exciting it is to be back home again.  The sights, the smells, the sounds… the feel of the air itself.  I had no idea I’d missed it so much.  No matter how I try I simply cannot put it into words to describe it all to someone who’s never been here, never felt it.

          I returned to my hometown, near Manassas, but there was no one left I wanted to visit.  The town itself is practically deserted.  All the men are off to fight the War and the women and children have mostly left to stay with friends or family farther away from the fighting.  It’s been so close I can hear the cannons booming in the distance sometimes.

          The old homestead is still there, as deserted as the rest of the town.  I spent the night sleeping on the floor of the room I used to share with Jed.  It wasn’t the same.  Too much has changed since we were children.  I cherish my memories of our childhood, but I guess it’s official.  I’ve grown up and I can never forget what Jed did, what he was willing to do.

          Talk of the War is everywhere.  The papers all say the War should be finished within the year, especially if Lincoln continues to put idiots like McClellan in charge.  That man couldn’t find his own shadow without the help of a hundred other shadows. 

I haven’t joined up yet.  I’m not sure why not.  I had the chance.  Just a few days ago I passed a cavalry regiment leaving the area.  They were heading out to intercept the Federals, one of them told me.  But, for some reason, I’m just not ready yet. 

          So much here is familiar, is safe, is home.  Yet, so much is not.  I just need some time to get comfortable with those changes first, I guess.  I always thought you were the one who struggled the most with change, but look at me.

          I’m moving on to Richmond, now, closer to where the fighting is headed.  I hear tell the Federals are landing near the Rappahannock River, east of Richmond.  I figure it’ll give me more time to reacquaint myself with my Virginia and the changes she’s undergone since I left.  Then I’ll join up down there, I guess.

          Speaking of changes, I cannot begin to wonder how you are changing, my darling.  Already you were rounder and glowing when I left.  But it’s been two months.  I imagine the child is making her presence well known by now.  I hope and pray it’s a girl, with big, brown eyes like her mother.  I’ll have to fight the boys off in a few years, so it’s best I get some practice in now.

          All my love to you.  I hope to hear from you soon.  You can write me in care of my Aunt Tallulah in Richmond. 

          I pray this War will end soon and I will be home before our child is born. 

          With all my love,

                     your husband, Kid

April 3, 1862

Rock Creek, Nebraska Territory

Dearest Kid,

            I was overjoyed to get your letter.  I cannot believe how long it took to get here!  Nothing like when we used to deliver the mail.  Was it really so long ago?  It seems like yesterday, yet like another lifetime at the same time.  What other disruptions is this war going to cause before it’s over?

            I’m sorry. I don’t mean to complain, but I miss you horribly.  I know we agreed I should stay behind because of the baby.  But it gets harder every day.  Have you heard what happened at the Battle of Shiloh in Tennesse?  It’s in all the newspapers here.  Over 20,000 dead and wounded between the two sides, another nearly 4,000 missing.  In one battle.  I just can’t comprehend that.  And that’s what you’ve ridden into, my love.  Please, be careful!

            I continually find myself turning to share something with you, a sunrise, a beautiful flower, Katy and Lightning’s latest antics, our child’s first movements.  But you’re never there and I burst into tears.   I feel like I’m constantly crying, and usually over nothing at all.  Rachel says it’s the baby.  I’m not so sure. 

            Rachel says I should write you happy stuff, not depress you with my troubles here.  So, what’s going on here you ask?  Well, let me tell you.

            Tompkins has started courting the owner of the new bakery in town.  She’s half his height and twice as big around.  But she makes him smile, a rare sight indeed.  We’re hoping they make a match of it.  This town could use more smiling Tompkins and less of the grouch he can be.

            They’re not alone.  Rachel’s friend, that detective fellow who worked for the Express and caused her so much trouble with his drinking?  He’s back in town, sober as a preacher, and trying his damndest to court Rachel. She’s not sure she trusts him, though.  So she’s holding him off for now.  I don’t think that’ll last for too long, however.  She has a true hankering for him, I think.

            Teaspoon and Polly are settling in real nice together.  He spends most days over at her saloon now, instead of napping the day away at his office.  Just as well, seeing as how things around here are getting rougher every day.

            With all the Army units getting pulled back East for the war, there’s few left to enforce the law out here.  A lot of ruffians have been coming into town, and their first stop is usually the saloon.  It’s almost more than Teaspoon can handle on his own, or even with Barnett’s so-called help.  Many’s the night Buck’s had to come in and help them round-up the troublemakers. 

            Buck’s new livery is going great.  He’s almost got more business than he can handle.  I’m so glad for him.  And Rachel’s still teaching.  She loves that job. I think that’s part of why she’s so reluctant to let Mr. Staulder court her.  She could lose her job if she even looks like she’s thinking about marrying, or, worse so far as the town’s concerned, not marrying him.

            I got a job at the new telegraph office they were building when you left.  They didn’t really want to hire a woman, particularly one with child, but no one else could read and write so well as me, except maybe Teaspoon and he wasn’t exactly interested.  The code was easy to learn and the pay’s decent, though not as much as they were going to offer a man.  I swear, Kid, if it weren’t for this belly I’m growing right now, I’d have cut my hair and put my trousers back on just to spite them!

            But that means if you ever need anything, you just have to find the nearest telegraph office and I’ll be the first to get your message!

            Speaking of our baby, I know you said you want a girl, but I’m sure it’s a boy.  He’s just like his Pa, won’t let me sleep a wink at night and wants nothing but for me to shovel food down his throat all day.  What I wouldn’t give to have you ‘bothering’ me like that right now, Kid.  I do miss you so.

            Since you gave me a specific place to send things, Rachel and I are including a care package, cookies, a fruitcake, some of her blackberry jam and biscuits.  Don’t worry, she supervised anything I had a hand in cooking so it’s all edible.

            I’m glad you’re enjoying seeing your childhood home again, Kid.  But please, don’t forget you’ve got a home here in the Territories now, too. and are well missed.

            I love you.

            Lou

The Courtship of James Hunter McCloud, chapter 10

Chapter 10

Julia turned at the sound of someone knocking at the dispensary door.  Brushing her hands free of the dust from the herbs she’d been grinding into a powder with the metate, she turned to see who was there.  The knock meant it wasn’t family.  Family would just barrel right on through, even if the door were locked!

Opening the door, she smiled when she saw a familiar face.

“Leaning Bear!”

The tall man from the nearby Meskwaki reservation leaned nonchalantly against the doorframe, much as he seemed to lean against anything handy, at any time, rather than stand straight on his own two feet, thus his name.

“Come on in,” she urged, reaching out to grab one of his hands and drag him into the house.  He pulled off his otter fur cap to reveal his shaved head with only a scalplock of hair left on top, held up by a porcupine roach.  She laughed affectionately at the sight.  His peers dressed mostly the same as whites these days.  But Leaning Bear insisted on wearing traditional clothes, at least when he was out ‘in public’ as he termed it when he roamed amongst the nearby white towns.  The leather moccasins, breechclout and leggings and poncho, with no shirt beneath, were his own private rebellion.  “What are you doin’ here?  Everyone alright?”

“Yep,” he smiled, shrugging.  “Just heard you were back in town and thought I’d drop in and see you all dressed up like a white lady.”

“Well?” she asked, twirling obligingly so he could check out her bright blue and grey checked dress with black braid trim at the edge of the collar and sleeves, along the waist and dancing around the bottom flounce of the skirt.

Leaning Bear grunted.  “You look like a white woman alright.  Guess that’s to be expected, the way you were raised and all those years at school.”

The smile dropped off Julia’s face at his words and she turned back to the counter and the grinding she’d been working at.  Picking up the metate stone she ground it against the larger base stone with all her strength as she muttered, “Clothes can’t change who you are.”

“What’s wrong, Wiggle Girl?” Leaning Bear asked in concern, using her childhood name.  “Having trouble with those white boys next door again?”

Julia shook her head slowly, refusing to look at him in fear she’d start crying.  She’d done enough of that the last couple of days.  “Just facing…. reality, I guess.  There’s no room for a mostly native woman in this white man’s world.  No matter how smart she is or how hard she tries to fit in.”

Leaning Bear grunted in silent acknowledgement of the truth of her words as he leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.  The move brought a slight smile to Julia’s troubled face, it reminded her so much of her Pa.

“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout openin’ a medical shop at the reservation,” she said in sudden inspiration.  “At least all my knowledge could do some good there.”

“Thought you studied languages and literature.”

Julia shrugged.  “I spent more years studying at my parents’ sides than I did learning from books in Iowa.  And that knowledge just seems more useful right now.”

“Your help wouldn’t be turned away,” he sighed, turning his head to peer through the window that overlooked the wide open prairie beyond the ranch grounds.  “Lord knows it’s hard enough on the reservation.  Even the people the white men send to help us are second hand, at best.   And they don’t send half the help they promised.”  He turned back to look at Julia, peering searchingly into her face.  “But you shouldn’t come if you’re just trying to run away from your troubles here.  Deal with them, then, if you still feel the call, come set up shop.  We’ll welcome you with open arms.”

Pushing himself to his feet, he strode to a cupboard where Buck kept his supplies. He opened the door and pulled out a package.  Holding it up for Julia’s inspection, he asked, “This mine?”

She nodded.  “Pa said he put a little extra willowbark in there.  Thought you might need it with the winter months comin’.”

Leaning Bear smiled.  “Tell him I said, ‘Thanks,” he said and confidently toward the door, opened it and stepped out.  His hand still on the handle, he turned back to Julia and added with an insouciant grin, “You figure out your problems here and come join us, I’ll be the first one in line, little Wiggle Girl.”

**********

Jamie watched from behind the half-opened barn door as Julia bade a smiling farewell to the tall familiar form of Leaning Bear.  The Meskwaki warrior was one of many Indians from nearby reservations, and more than a few there weren’t so nearby, who visited the ranch to pick up medical supplies from his Uncle Buck.  Leaning Bear had been coming around since they were all children.  But it seemed he’d been around much more often than was necessary in recent years, Jamie thought with a distasteful moue.  He’d never really worried about the man before as a rival for Julia’s affections.  But now…. something was wrong and he didn’t know how to fix it.  He knew what his Ma would say, ask her what was wrong.  But Julia wouldn’t even talk to him.

For the last several days she’d been avoiding him like the plague.  He recognized all the signs, the sudden need to get something in another room when he entered, the refusal to look his direction, because he’d played the same game not that long ago himself.  What he couldn’t figure out was what had sparked it.

It had all started after that confrontation with Carl.  Sure, Carl’d been an ass, but when wasn’t he?  She’d never let that get to her before.  Was it because he’d fought back?  What had she expected?  He wasn’t going to stand around and let that ass insult his sweetheart.  She knew he had a temper, though he did his best to keep it under control, and was more than a bit protective of those he… cared for.  His reaction should’ve come as no surprise to her.  But hers sure had surprised him.  They’d known each other all their lives and he still hadn’t figured her out.

Of course, Pa said he’d yet to figure out Ma, too.  So maybe it was that whole man/woman thing.  Jamie sighed.  He just didn’t know anymore.

**********

“Hey, Harry, you been past the telegraph office?” Tompkins, Jr, asked as he packed up the last of the other young man’s purchase.

“No, why?” Harry asked, perplexed.  Usually, if there was a telegram for the ranch the office just sent it out with Marshal McCloud, aka Aunt Lou.

“Benton was in here earlier looking for the Marshal.  Said he had a telegram for your sister, Julia.  But no one’s seen the Marshal today, either.”

Now Harry was even more confused.  A telegram for Julia?  “I’ll stop by there, next,” he answered.  “Thanks for the heads up.”

**********

Harry looked down at the slip of paper in his hands as he sat on the seat of the buckboard and frowned slightly.  It was from that Abe fellow.  He wondered what it said, but forebore to actually open the folded paper.  It wasn’t his and Pa had drilled the importance of respecting his sibling’s privacy into him from day one, not to mention the sanctity of the mail, even if it was a telegram and not a real letter.

Slipping it into his jacket pocket, Harry unwrapped the reins from their place on the brake and prepared to head home.  He just hoped it contained good news.  He didn’t know what had happened between Julia and Jamie, but she was moping around like she’d lost her best friend. Heck, for all he knew she had.  Something needed to change.  And soon.

**********

“Abe’s coming back!” Julia squealed in excitement after reading the short telegram.  “He got the job in Plum Creek , but they don’t want him to start until after the New Year.  So he’s asking if he can come spend the holidays with us!”

“And I take it you plan to tell him he can,” Buck smiled gently at his daughter.

Julia blushed as she looked up at him.  “May I?” she asked belatedly.

Buck laughed.  “Of course he’s welcome.  He’s a fine young man with a good head on his shoulders.  And, apparently, a good job lined up.”

**********

“What’s goin’ on with you and my sister?”

“What?” Jamie asked, startled by the unexpected question.

“You heard me,” Harry demanded.  “What’s goin’ on with you two? I thought you were finally gettin’ down ta some serious courtin’.  Now she can’t seem ta stand bein’ in the same room with you and is all excited about this Abe fella’s return.”

“Abe’s comin’ back?” Jamie asked in surprise.  “I thought he was off to start a new job.”

“Turns out it don’t start ‘til next year and he wants ta spend Christmas here.  Sounds ta me like he’s the one doin’ the courtin’ around here.”

Jamie turned away from his friend and started raking up the hay from the stall with unnecessary vigor.  “Julia’s her own woman.  Does what she wants,” he grunted.  “I can’t control her, no one can.  Ya oughta know that by now.”

“I also know she’s been hankerin’ after you fer most of her life,” Harry said.  “So what’s goin’ on?”

“You’d have ta ask her that,” Jamie said shortly. “If she answers ya, I’d sorely love ta hear what she says, ‘cause she ain’t talkin’ ta me.  Now… ya gonna help with chores or just chatter my ear off?”

**********

It was Christmas Day, one of her favorite holidays of the year.  Uncle Kid sat in the corner surrounded by the younger children, dressed up like Santa, as he did every year, handing out gifts.  Her entire family was here, including her oldest sister with her Cheyenne husband, Grey Wolf, and their new baby.  Even her best friend from college was here, her eyes came to rest on Abe where he sat with Victoria and Rose, laughing at something one of them had said.  He looked up and caught her eye.

She shook her head, smiling sadly and turned away to walk back to the kitchen to help her Ma with the last of the breakfast preparations.

“Hey,” Abe called softly.  “Don’t run away from me, too.”

She turned at the touch of his hand on her arm, just as her Aunt Lou squealed, “Kiss!”

The rest of the room, or most of it anyway, took up the chant, “Kiss!  Kiss!  Kiss!” and Julia sighed in resignation as she looked up at the mistletoe she’d forgotten about hanging in the doorway over her head.

Abe laughed and leaned forward to kiss her softly on the cheek.  Julia blushed and pushed him away as the rest of the room clapped, cheered, stomped and whistled in appreciation.  Her Aunt Lou took particular glee in this tradition.  Julia couldn’t figure out why.*

“Let’s go for a walk,” she suddenly suggested.

Abe looked confused for a moment, then nodded in agreement.  It took them a bit to put on their winter clothes, coats, hats, gloves, scarves, boots.  The prairie winter had finally hit the week before, chomping down on the land with a vengeance, dumping more than a foot of snow on the ground overnight.  And temperatures had yet to warm up.  They might not until spring, now.

Despite the fact the walk was her idea, Julia moved along in the white cloaked world without saying anything, turning an idea over and over in her head as she stared without seeing at the horses snuffling and stomping through the snow looking for grass.

Abe followed her meandering course through the ranch buildings until they reached the main gate and she leaned up against the fence, still without talking.

“You want to talk about it?” he finally asked.

“You remember how it used to be at Iowa State?” she asked, answering his question with a question.

Abe laughed.  “Like I could ever forget.”

“It was the two of us against the world.  We were the only ones who understood each other.  And no one bothered us about being… together.”  Julia stopped speaking for a moment and looked down at her hands.  “In fact, they seemed to throw us together whenever they could, like just happened back there.”

“Yep,” Abe agreed, nodding.  “I had more than one classmate ask me when we were going to tie the knot.”

“So how come we never….”

“Courted?” Abe asked, helping her finish the sentence.

Julia nodded.

Abe shrugged.  “Just never felt… right.”

“But it could be… right,” she said.  “If we actually gave it a try.”

“Maybe if you weren’t already in love with someone else,” Abe said gently, maybe even a little sadly.  “Someone who lives right across the yard, no less.”

It was Julia’s turn to shrug.

“That ain’t goin’ nowhere,” she muttered.  Abe winced at her sudden lack of diction, then his eyes flew wide in surprise as she unexpectedly pushed up on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his.

**********

Despite his best intentions, Jamie found himself following Julia and Abe out of the house.  He kept his distance.  He’d promised himself that if she’d decided Abe was the one she wanted he’d butt out.  She had a right to choose for herself.  But that couldn’t kill the morbid curiosity inside him.  It was the same part of him that had his fist flexing in anger when his mother had pushed the couple into that embrace under the mistletoe.  He wasn’t even sure who he’d wanted to hit more at that moment, his mother for pushing that little game of hers -- he’d seen the wicked light in her eye and knew she’d done it a purpose to push him to action – Julia for allowing it to happen, Abe for participating or himself for just sitting back and watching it all happen.

When the couple came to a stop at the front gate, Jamie paused in the overhang of the last building, letting the early morning shadows hide his presence from the other two.  He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but could tell it was a pretty serious conversation from Julia’s body language.  He’d known her long enough he could always tell how she was feeling, what she was thinking, by how she moved and interacted with those around her.  He didn’t always know why, but he always knew what.  That’s how he’d known that the last thing she’d wanted these last couple of weeks was to have anything to do with him.

He stiffened as he saw her shoulders straighten with resolve as she turned to face the tall black man at her side.  Then she lifted her face up to his, placed her hand on his chest and pushed up on tiptoe to press her lips to his.

The anger, fear and sense of loss he felt at that moment twisted and curled inside his stomach until he felt he would throw up last night’s supper.  So.  She’d made her decision.  She’d made her choice.  And he wasn’t what she wanted.

He knew if he stuck around for anymore he’d do something they’d both regret.  With a low voiced curse, he turned and headed straight for the barn.  Moments later he came bursting out again, mounted on the young stallion she’d helped him train and raced away from the ranch, jumping the fence around the main compound rather than go anywhere near the couple by the front gate.

**********

Julia closed her eyes as she stepped up and pressed her lips to Abe’s, praying that she’d get that same giddy feeling that stole her breath away when she kissed Jamie.  But that wasn’t to be.  Abe’s lips were soft and fine against hers, but they didn’t make her wish they were somewhere private or lose her sense of what was going on around her like Jamie’s did.

So it was no surprise when Abe’s hands came up and took a solid grip on her arms to push her away.  He stood looking down at her for a moment, before clearing his throat and speaking gently.

“I appreciate the thought,” he finally said, “but I don’t think this is our time.”

She looked a question up at him.

“I’d be honored to court you, if you were free,” he smiled.  “But I think you need to figure out what’s going on between you and that young man who just rode out of here like the hounds of hell were after him.”

*This goes back to Fighting For Love and Teaspoon’s last Christmas.

Chapter 11