'Til Then... by JennaLynn

Cody stood and brushed the dirt from the knees of his pants. He dared one last lingering look at the fresh grave and sighed. 

He had said his piece already but he still wasn't quite able to walk away. It was quiet here in the cemetery. Quiet and devoid of people–of the living variety anyway. He wasn't quite ready to dry his tears just yet. 

Placing a hand on the cold stone grave marker, he swallowed hard before speaking. 

"I love you, baby."

As Cody took one more shaky breath and wiped at his face with a handkerchief, a voice spoke from a few yards behind him.

"I thought I'd find you here."

The voice startled him and he thought about reaching for his gun but then he just didn't care. His reason for living was in that grave. A bullet could only serve to reunite him with his true love. 

Cody turned to the direction of the voice and saw there was no threat anyway. Standing in front of him was Buck. It had been years since he'd last seen Buck and, as heartbroken as he was, the sight brought a smile to his face. 

Of course he also hoped Buck hadn't been close enough to hear what he'd said. 

The two came together in a warm brotherly embrace. 

"It's good to see you, Buck," Cody said, his voice filled with gratitude. "You come to pay your respects, too?"

Buck shook his head. 

"I didn't need to be here to say my goodbyes," Buck said. "For me, Jimmy's not here. I came for you."

Cody furrowed his brow at his old friend. Buck saw the look and decided to change the subject for the time being. 

"So, how's the family?"

"That really why you came here, Buck? To ask after my family?"

Buck shook his head while leading Cody out of the cemetery. 

"I came to check on my brother. Kid and I dealt as well as we could together. He'd have come too but he's got the children to look after."

Cody just looked at the ground. 

"We're all that's left now," Buck continued. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No," Cody said simply. "I'm not okay. I'm tired of burying my brothers, Buck."

Buck stayed quiet. There was more to be said and he might have to prod some of it along but maybe Cody'd get to some of it on his own. 

"How are you holding up?" Cody asked. "He was your brother too."

Buck frowned. He had thought Cody to be close to opening up.

"He wasn't your brother though, was he?" Buck asked but then continued speaking. "He was your soul mate."

Cody's head shot up ready to deny everything. 

"I've known almost as long as you have," Buck explained. "Don’t worry, no one else knows. I could see things pass between you. Your world doesn't allow for such things but mine does."

"You never said anything," Cody said incredulously. 

Buck leaned against a  tree just outside the cemetery gate. 

"I went back and forth on that through the years," Buck said. "Sometimes I thought it might help to know that someone saw what was there and was pulling for you. Others I guessed it wasn't really my business and wouldn't really change much for you. You'd still have to hide from the rest of the world."

Cody nodded sadly. 

“He couldn’t do it anymore, Buck. The hiding, I mean.”

Cody sighed heavily and sagged against the tree.

“I guess I’d gotten used to it. I mean, it wasn’t how I wanted things but I knew he loved me and I knew I loved him and that was all I needed. When we could be together–well, that was wonderful.”

“Jimmy needed more?” Buck asked more to keep Cody talking than anything else.

“I know this is going down in the books as a murder,” Cody said. “It’s a suicide though. He wanted to die–for everything to be over. He did it like this because I made him promise…”

Buck could see this line of thinking wasn’t going anywhere good.

“Cody, you didn’t cause this.”

“I made him promise to never make me go on without him,” Cody said sadly. “Stupid of me, I know. At the time all I cared about was him being more careful. He was so reckless.”

“You still can’t think this is your fault.”

“I don’t just think it–I know it. I could have saved him. I was the only one who could have. I told him I’d figure it out…I told him he’d never be all alone in the dark.”

The tears were back and burning rivers down Cody’s cheeks. He had failed Jimmy. And now the only true love he’d ever known was gone.

“I don’t understand,” Buck said, thoroughly confused by his brother’s words.

“Jimmy was mostly blind,” Cody answered. “He was terrified of being alone–of me not being there. Or me thinking he was a burden.”

“I didn’t know he was in that bad of shape.”

“We hid it best we could. I didn’t think hard enough–or fast enough. I just couldn’t figure a solution.”

Pushing himself away from the tree, Cody began to pace.

“He was so sure he was weighing me down or that folks’d figure it out with me keeping him around when he wasn’t in the show anymore. He met Agnes and she was a sweet sort.”

Cody whirled around to face Buck.

“He didn’t love her–he couldn’t even fake it,” he told Buck. “Minister that married them even noted on the marriage certificate that he didn’t think Jimmy meant his vows. Hell, I know he didn’t. But I think he cared about her though.”

Buck shook his head. If there was one thing he’d never figure out in the white world, it was all the limits on love. Love was never shameful and never bad or evil. Being kept from love–denying love–that was destructive. Love, itself, could never be that damaging.

“Jimmy thought if he married that he’d have someone to look out for him as things got worse with his eyes,” Cody went on. “But I think he felt like he was just using her. He knew better than anyone what it felt like to be used like that. I guess that’s why he came here.”

“You tried,” Buck said in an attempt at comfort. He knew Cody would be hurting but had no idea the guilt he would feel he had to bear.

“No.”

It was barely a whisper and Buck had to strain to hear it.

“I didn’t try. We’d talk sometimes about starting up a ranch or something. Just two old friends with a business together. Two old confirmed bachelors. No one would need to know how the rooms in the main house were being used. We’d still have to hide some but we would’ve been together. I could’ve kept some of the demons from latching onto him. I could still be holding him in the night when he was scared.”

“Why didn’t you two go that route?” Buck asked. He’d never heard anything about starting any sort of business from either man,

“My aspirations of fame…” Cody’s embittered voice trailed away. “Jimmy said he couldn’t let me give up those dreams.”

“Sounds like Hickok alright.”

“Thing is, those dreams were the dreams of a child. They were the dreams of a boy.”

Cody shook his head.

“How I loved him–how it made me feel to know he truly loved me…those are dreams for a man. A man knows what’s really important. He was important. I didn’t fight for him. I didn’t.”

The tears overtook the last two words as Cody sank to his knees palms helplessly toward the heavens.

Buck knelt next to his brother and put an arm around the man’s shoulders. There were no words of comfort to be offered. All Buck could give as Cody wept against his shoulder was his presence. 

In time the tears slowed and the two just sat comfortably crossed-legged on the ground.

“So,” Buck ventured to speak. “How did the two of you fall in love anyway?”

Cody chuckled as the memories hit him.

“Before I answer that, when did you first see there was something between us?”

It was Buck’s turn to offer a small laugh.

“Well, something was weird between you after that Valentine’s Day when you were fighting over Clara. I thought I was seeing things or reading them wrong because it looked like when Kid and Lou didn’t want anyone to know they still had feelings for each other but they did all the same. I was sure I was misinterpreting.”

Buck offered a smile then.

“Well after the two of you got back from that special run Teaspoon sent you on, it was obvious. I always figured something happened on Valentine’s Day and you two sorted it on that ride but it left me curious. I could tell neither of you usually gave another man a second look. You genuinely liked the ladies…until after that ride.”

Cody gave perhaps his first real smile of the day.

“Teaspoon found out,” he said. “Thought we’d given the old man a heart attack when he caught us kissing in the barn. He ordered us into the sweat lodge. He told us that you couldn’t control who you fell in love with but sometimes the package they came in didn’t make sense.”

Buck laughed heartily. That was Teaspoon alright.

Cody sighed and continued speaking.

“Valentine’s Day. And Clara. I guess you’ve heard by now that on that day when we all got the Valentine hearts that Kid’s didn’t say the same as everyone else’s.”

Buck nodded remembering being told about how there was almost a knock-down, drag-out fight between Kid and Lou that day over what had been written to Kid.

“Well, Jimmy and I lied that day too. We said we got the same little poem that you all got but we didn’t. Ours were even signed. Clara and one of her friends sent those hearts and cookies that day. If I had to guess, it was her friend Hortense who wrote to Kid. I think she had a crush and wanted…oh Hell, I don’t know what she thought she’d accomplish with that letter. But Jimmy and I got notes from Clara telling us to meet her that night.”

Cody’s eyes stared out to the horizon and beyond. He had traveled back in time to those young men who each thought they could ask for nothing more than the affections of Miss Clara Cassidy.

“She led us on a merry chase that night. We were sent in different directions and each place we were sent to there was another note telling us where to go next until finally we were headed to her–or so we thought.”

Cody paused and offered a laugh at the foolish boys they had been.

“It was black as pitch that night. New moon. Couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. We could hear each other but just thought it was Clara. When we came together…well, I guess we both had the same idea of kissing the daylights out of that girl. We realized pretty quick that we wasn’t kissing a girl at all.”

Buck laughed heartily at the image that conjured in his head and he figured that both of his friends had been embarrassed and disgusted by the kiss.

Cody joined the laughter.

“We swore we would take that event to our graves. We didn’t want to ever speak of it again.”

“What changed?” Buck asked to prod the story along as he could see Cody’s eyes drifting across the years to the innocent young men they had been.

“Not really anything,” Cody answered, visibly shaking himself back to the present. “But then I guess everything changed. I’d think about some pretty girl I’d seen in town and start thinking about kissing her and her kisses weren’t enough.”

Cody shook his head slowly.

“Women seemed too passive. Jimmy was fiery and passionate and commanding.”

Cody ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily.

“I’d start out fantasizing about some girl and before I knew it, the lips I was kissing and the body I was touching was his. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. And he was so angry at me then. I thought it was because it was probably something I did that soured Clara against him.”

“I remember how tense it was between the two of you. When Teaspoon sent you on that run to sort yourselves out, we were taking bets on if you’d both make it back and if you didn’t, which one would survive the ordeal.”

“Who won?”

“Ike,” Buck said. “He was the only one who thought somehow the two of you would remember that you’re family.”

Cody had to chuckle at that. Ike had a faith in love despite all that his life dealt him. He might have been thinking more of brotherly love when he made the bet but it was love that triumphed all the same.

“So,” Buck began hesitantly, “Which one of you got the talking started?”

“I guess that would’ve been me,” Cody replied. “I just couldn’t take being glared and growled at. I told him enough was enough and he could hit me or holler at me or whatever. I was sorry I messed it up with Clara and I just wanted my friend back.”

“That was brave,” Buck noted. “He might’ve had a mind to shoot you, for all you knew.”

Cody nodded.

“I thought about that too but then I figured if he did, he wouldn’t shoot to kill. He never liked killing anyway. I’d been shot before and at least Jimmy was such a good shot he’d hit what he aimed at so it would probably be a minor enough wound and I could make it to the next town easily enough–if I even needed a doc.”

Buck offered a wry smile and figured that Cody was right. Jimmy was a decent and honorable man. He’d usually try to avoid killing no matter who he faced.

“So there I was with my eyes screwed shut just waiting for something,” Cody continued. “I figured most likely he’d punch me so I was bracing for it and then he grabbed my face and was kissing me. I didn’t know what to think but I kissed him back because, well, I wanted to. I knew I should have been mad or disgusted but it didn’t feel wrong.”

“Love isn’t wrong, Cody,” Buck said gently. “Love is just love and if we accept that, it can fix nearly anything wrong with this world.”

“I know that now,” Cody sighed. “A day late and a dollar short but I understand it all now. I thought I did before–but I didn’t appreciate what it really meant. You know my mama said I was destined for greatness. I didn’t understand until it was too late that loving someone with your whole being is greatness. Being a strength for them and the reason they keep living–sharing the depths of your soul–even if no one else knows…well, that’s all the purpose anyone should ever need. Why couldn’t I see it before? Why couldn’t I see it when I still had him?”

The tears renewed their tracks down Cody’s cheeks. He hadn’t seen his true calling. He failed Jimmy. He promised Jimmy he wouldn’t let him be alone in the dark but where was Jimmy now? Yeah, he broke that promise.

Buck pulled Cody into his embrace and just held his brother and rocked back and forth and tried to soothe the pain, the guilt. He knew there was no real comfort to be offered to Cody. No sympathy would console him in this moment. No simple platitudes of Jimmy being in a better place or being free from pain now would heal the wounds within his brother. This was a pain Buck knew only too well. He knew that soul mates weren’t always romantic partners and he knew how devastating it was to lose that.

He couldn’t heal Cody. He couldn’t stop his friend’s pain. He couldn’t make it better. But he could offer love.

“I’m here,” he soothed his heartbroken friend. “I’ll be here as long as you need me. You need to talk, I’ll listen. I won’t let you try to go through this alone.”

Cody tried to push away from Buck.

“I’ll get through it,” he said, trying for stoicism and missing it by quite a bit. “Can’t say I’ll get over it but I’ll get through.”

Buck nodded.

“You will. But you won’t do it alone. I got Kid through after Lou passed. I’ll stick with you too.”

“I can’t ask it of you, Buck”

“You’re not asking a thing,” Buck said softly. “And I ain’t offering. I’m stating a fact. You will not be alone through this. I said love can fix the things that are wrong in the world. You still have people who love you. Maybe not the same as he did but we love you just as fiercely and just as tenaciously and just as unconditionally.”

Cody just knelt there on the soft grass under the tree completely bewildered.

“C’mon Cody, if you have anything else to say at the grave, say it. I’ll meet you in town and we’ll head out to go visit Teaspoon.”

Cody nodded slowly and pushed himself off the ground. He walked stiffly back to the grave. 

“I told you once that I’d never stop loving you as long as I lived, Baby. Well, I don’t figure I’ll stop even then. I figure we’ll see each other again someday. I know you still love me. I can feel it. I’m sorry, Baby. I left you alone and the darkness took over, didn’t it?”

Cody gave one more shaky breath and trailed his fingers over the stone that marked the grave.

“I can’t say goodbye. I can’t. I’ll hold you again. I will. So, ‘til then…”

The Whole Truth: His Truth

 Note: This story picks up at the end of Presence of Mine Enemies, but mostly takes place during Just Like Old Times.  It doesn’t deviate much from the original storyline, which I’ve always considered pivotal in the growth of the Kid/Lou relationship, except to make room for the changes developed by The Whole Truth storyline.

If I Didn’t Have You, Thompson Square

Stay, Sugarland

Glass, Thompson Square 

Ike. Was. Gone. Her Ike was gone.  Oh, his body still struggled for one last breath.  With every exhale she held her own breath until his next shuddering inhale.  But whatever it was that made her gentle, quiet brother the man she loved – that was gone.  She’d known that ever since Buck had come out and told Emily that Ike was asking for her.  Buck had then just walked away from them all, not even responding to Teaspoon’s call.

Now, Buck was nowhere to be found and Ike was just… fading away before their eyes.  Lou’s soul screamed for her to do something to fix it, to bring him back, to make everyone she loved safe and whole again.  Except, she couldn’t think of anything that would fix this.

The pressure behind her eyes made her feel if she didn’t hold on tightly, her whole body would just explode into a million pieces of pain.  In an effort to regain control, she began to count between breaths.  Not hers.  His.  First one count and he would inhale, then two, three… then nothing.

Come on! her mind screamed at him.  Just breathe!  In, out.  In, out.  You can do it, Ike. 

But, nothing. 

Jimmy sighed, stepped closer to the bed Ike lay on and reached down to close her brother’s eyes.  She hadn’t even realized Ike was staring off into the nothing of beyond, into whatever place his soul had flown, until Jimmy moved.

Unable to bear it anymore, she turned and fled, one hand to her mouth trying to quiet the sobs forcing their way past her lips.  The door of the Doc’s office slammed shut behind her.  A hard baby kick to her ribs left her gasping for breath, halting her in her tracks.  She grabbed the post on the porch of the Doc’s office and bent over, trying to catch her breath as tears streamed down her face.

“Lou?”

She jumped when a heavy hand landed gently on her shoulder.

“Kid,” she whimpered, turning and burying her head in his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist.

His arms wrapped around her just as tightly.  She could feel his tears dripping onto her shoulders, leaving the material of her dress slightly damp.

“Shhhhh,” he crooned.  “It’ll be alright.”

“Will it?” she sobbed.  “How can things ever be alright again?”

“I don’t know,” Kid sighed, hugging her more tightly to him.  “But they’ll haveta be.  Somehow.”

“It hurts so bad, I just wanna run away from the pain,” she whispered into the cloth of his shirt.

He just hugged her tighter.

The creak of the door opening and closing behind them finally broke their reverie.  Lou pulled away just far enough to see what was happening.

Teaspoon walked up to them, followed by Jimmy, Emily and Noah.  The man they all looked to as a replacement for the fathers they’d lost looked like he’d aged ten years in that room.  He placed one hand on each of Kid’s and Lou’s shoulders and sighed, shaking his head.

“Someone oughta find Buck, let him know,” Jimmy muttered, tilting his head back and clenching his nose between two fingers to hold back his own tears.

Noah shook his head. 

“I’d lay bets he already knows, close as those two were,” he muttered before stepping off the boardwalk into the street, obviously headed over to the laundry just a few doors down and the comfort of Cassie’s arms.

Emily just stood there, dazed, not speaking, not moving.

******

That had been three weeks ago.  Things hadn’t changed much since.  Buck and Emily were both still just going about the motions of living, doing what they were told but with no real emotion behind the actions and no will to start something on their own. 

Unless it was Buck sniping at anyone handy.  His most frequent targets had been Emily, Cody and the shopkeeper Tompkins, for some reason.  And if he could come up with an excuse his verbal jabs turned into physical ones. 

He blamed Emily for getting Ike killed more than Emily blamed herself.  He blamed everyone else for not mourning Ike’s loss as heavily as he was.  Apparently, he blamed Tompkins just for existing.

Though Buck had started improving after that solo run he’d come back from with a widow woman and her newborn he’d helped deliver. 

Lou looked down at her belly. 

“You might just be what holds us all together, little one,” she whispered.  “There seems to be something about a new life that brightens people’s worlds.”

And Lord knew that’s what her family needed, something to bring them back together.  Everyone had retreated to their proverbial corners to lick their wounds after Ike’s funeral, leaving Lou wondering how her family was going to weather this storm as a unit.  She found herself constantly trying to get them back into the same room at the same time again, trying to fit the broken pieces back into a single whole. 

She reached for the engagement ring Kid had given her the night of the dance. For now, it hung on the same chain around her neck as her wedding ring.  They still hadn’t told anyone.  She wasn’t sure if they would. 

Right after the funeral Kid had said it wasn’t the right time.  They needed to let everyone else grieve Ike’s death, first, before making their big announcement.  But he hadn’t said anything else since and he was back to spending all his free time off alone, just sitting and thinking, or riding off on Katy and thinking. 

When she’d complained about Kid’s constantly wandering off, Teaspoon had told her, “Some folk just need ta work things through fer themselves before they can be civilized ‘round other folk.  And the Kid, well he’s got a lot of figgerin’ ta do.  You do realize it’s nigh on a year since he lost Jed, too, dontcha?”

She hadn’t.  She’d been so caught up in all the changes in her life, in her body, she’d plumb forgot.  So, she’d been learning to bide her time.  Not that she had much left of that, she grimaced, rubbing her ever-increasing belly, again, after the baby kicked her, again.

“It’s alright, little one,” she whispered, pushing through the prairie grass.  “We’ll figure it out.”

It took her a half hour of trudging across the prairie to reach Kid’s thinking spot.  It wasn’t that far if you rode, as he’d done.  By foot, and pregnant, the journey had been another story.  She breathed a sigh of relief when she crested the slight ridge and found him there, sitting on a fallen tree staring off into space.

“Kid?” she called quietly.  He didn’t move.  She tried again, a bit louder this time.  “Kid!”

He startled and looked up at her.

“There ya are,” she breathed, ducking under a last branch to come to a standstill in front of him.

Kid sucked in a deep breath, as if suddenly remembering to inhale.

 “How’d ya find me?”

 “Took a while,” she shrugged.  “Jimmy said you rode out bright and early.” 

She shifted on her feet uncomfortably, one hand going to her back to brace the weight of her belly dragging her forward.

“Can I sit down?”

“Sure,” Kid said quickly, reaching out a hand for her to lean on as she carefully lowered her bulk to the fallen tree he sat on.

Lou picked up the framed daguerreotype resting on the log between them and looked at the image of the two young men, one tall and lanky, the other obviously much younger and, equally obviously, closely related to the older boy.

“You and Jed?” she asked quietly. 

Kid nodded.

She sighed, trying to fill her cramped lungs, leaning back a bit to give the baby more room.  She traced the edges of a younger Kid’s face, thinking that’s how her baby might look someday, so young and innocent.

Then she looked at the older boy.

“That was a year ago today he died, wasn’t it?”

Kid tossed a rock in his hand into the dark waters of the nearby pond, listening to the small splash it made and watching the ripples as they flew out in all directions.

“Yep,” he nodded.

Teaspoon’d been right, Lou thought.  He was grieving more than just Ike, but all he’d lost a year ago when Jed had died, and the role Kid had played in Jed’s death.

She held the daguerreotype out to Kid, watching his hands as he reached out to take it.

“You still blamin’ yerself?”

Staring at the images, Kid nearly whispered, “I keep thinkin’ there’s somethin’ I coulda done.”

“When yer brother stole those rifles fer the South, he made a choice. And even if he did believe in what he was doin’…” she paused for a moment to breathe.  “He still killed a man.”

She’d liked Jed, the short time she’d known him.  He’d been fun to hang out with, but with little thought to the future or to how his actions might harm others.  Her approval though had waned as she saw how his behavior was hurting Kid.  It had turned to outright dislike when Sam had discovered he was killing and stealing, and, worst of all in her mind, trying to drag Kid into his plots.

Kid sighed, dropping the framed picture onto his lap.  He looked over at Lou, but he kept his eyes down, focused on her belly instead of her face. He shook his head.

“I don’t know. “

She tried another tack.

“Ya know, I remember somethin’ that Teaspoon told me, after my father died,” She started, glancing at Kid at her side, then looking up to search her memory and get the telling right. “He said, ‘Son…’

Kid shifted, looking at her in questioning confusion.  She caught the look out of the corner of her eye and smiled.

“He still thought I was a boy back then,” she half-laughed.  “‘Son, there’s only one thing you can’t save a person from….and that’s themselves.’”

Kid nodded, still mulling things over, obviously not done with either his thinking or his grieving.  Lou leaned into his side and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him as tightly as she could from her awkward angle.

If she couldn’t comfort him with words, she’d try to use her physical presence.  Now obviously wasn’t the time to bring up their engagement.  He responded, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her mouth, then jumped back as the baby kicked him through her belly.  At the same time her stomach began to gurgle with hunger.  They both laughed.

“Well, I bet I know what she wants,” Kid smiled, standing up and reaching down to haul Lou to her feet.  “She’s a lot like her mother that way! Food first, last and always!”

*******

Another day passed with little change.  Kid was… listless, doing what he was told, but otherwise mostly staring off into space.  He’d come back to himself if Lou was around, but even then, not for long.  He simply couldn’t shake the doldrums.

Kid knew his depression was getting to Lou, especially.  He loved her all the more for trying to be there for him even if she didn’t understand quite what he was going through.  But, somehow, he still felt… lonely.  He watched the families in town and knew he’d never have that again.  Not in the same way, at least. 

Because of his attitude, Teaspoon had been keeping him on short runs that brought him back to the bunkhouse every night. 

“Come on, Katy,” he grunted, giving her cinch strap another yank.  “We don’t want me falling off yer back in the middle of a run, now do we?  Stop holdin’ yer breath!”

She snorted, letting the air she’d been holding escape her belly.  He sighed.  Finally.  With Katy fully saddled, he grabbed his gunbelt off the saddle horn to strap around his hips.

As he turned away from his faithful steed, he patted her rump.

“Good girl!”

“Excuse me, sir,” a soft voice with a very familiar accent floated up to him. 

He stood up taller and looked at the woman walking toward him.  Her skirts swayed with each step closer, but the shadows from her parasol hid the details of her face.

“Is this the Pony Express Station?”

 “Yes, ma’am, it is,” Kid nodded agreeably as he finished buckling on his gun belt.

 The woman was looking down at papers in her hands.

 “I’ve got a letter for Sacramento and I was…”

 She stopped in mid-phrase as she looked up at him.

 “Oh my God!  I don’t believe it!” she laughed.

 Kid just looked at her, confused.

 “Is it really you?” she asked.

 He ducked his head, trying to get a better look at her face under the parasol.

 “I’m sorry,” he smiled.  “Have we met?”

 She tilted her head up to him, the parasol moved back allowing sunlight to shine on carefully coiffed golden curls.  Finely shaped and very familiar blue eyes twinkled up at him mischievously.

“Met?!  Why I have never been so insulted in all my life,” she trilled.  “Chesapeake Bay?  Summer of ’47? Weddin’ rings made from Dogwood bark.”

Her voice turned soft with a memory as vivid as yesterday in Kid’s mind.  Though it wasn’t a memory he’d visited in months… a little over a year, to be precise.  Not since meeting Lou.

“‘Course, I wasn’t quite 6 years old so I don’t suppose it was legal,” she finished in her soft drawl.

“Doritha?” Kid questioned, uncertain he could believe his eyes and ears.  Was a part of his Virginia family, however tenuous that definition might be applied to Doritha, actually here in Rock Creek?  Was he truly not so alone in this world?

“Yeah,” she half-laughed.

He swooped in for a big hug, engulfing her small frame with his broad shoulders.  He couldn’t believe how… tiny she was.  She was so much larger in his memory.

“Doritha!” he laughed.  “I never thought…”

“Me, neither,” she said, smiling up at him flirtatiously.  That was something else he’d never forget, her no-holds-barred flirting.  It was part of why he’d fallen in love with her all those years ago.

********

Lou watched through the bunkhouse window, frozen with her hands in the soapy dishwater, as Kid greeted the strange blonde woman in the yard like a long-lost friend, smiling and laughing with her like he hadn’t a care in the world. 

She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she could read Kid’s body language just fine and this was a woman he was very comfortable with.  She might almost suspect he was intimately familiar with the stranger if she hadn’t’ve known for a fact she herself had been the first woman he’d lain with.

Something about the way Kid was hovering over her protectively, and she was cozying right up to his hovering, sent a thread of despair shooting straight to her stomach.  She wanted to throw up, but couldn’t pull her eyes away long enough to do anything other than watch.

********

“Only the name’s Maxwell now,” Doritha corrected Kid after he’d introduced her to Rachel.

“You and Garth?” he said, putting the name with the other member of their trio, the one who’d always been jealous of any attention Doritha sent Kid’s way when they were younger.

“Yeah.  Three years ago, December,” she said, her smile dimming a bit. 

Kid wondered about the story behind that, but decided now wasn’t the time to go prying at scarred over wounds.  He had enough of his own he’d like to let be.

“You look good, Doritha,” he said instead.

She blushed prettily. 

“So do you, Kid.”

“Well, what are you doin’ here?” he asked, looking down at his hands, into which she’d pushed the envelope she wanted posted to Sacramento.  It felt a bit… empty.  But then many used rice paper to save on weight and cost.  That must be it.  “Besides sendin’ a letter?”

*********

“Rider up!”

Lou heard Rachel’s call that it was time for Kid to take off on his run.  Kid didn’t seem to be in his usual hurry, though, barely taking his eyes off this new woman as he accepted the pouch and dropped it over the horn of Katy’s saddle.

Lou gasped as he then used her trick mount to skip the stirrup on his way into the saddle, obviously showing off for this woman.  Then he started bouncing from one side of his horse to the other.  She’d taught him how to do that. How dared he use it to impress this interloper?!

As the pounding sound of Katy galloping out of town receded, Lou concentrated on not losing her temper. Surely, she hadn’t seen what she’d thought she’d seen. 

“Well, that was certainly interestin’,” Rachel murmured as she walked in, drying her hands on her skirts after hanging up the wet laundry outside.

“Who is she?” Lou asked, not bothering to hide her interest from the other woman in the bunkhouse. 

“Apparently an old friend of Kid’s from back in Virginia,” Rachel said.  “He sure seemed shocked to see her.”

“Shock didn’t last long,” Lou said shortly, picking up the stew pot from lunch to begin scrubbing its innards with a vengeance. 

“I’d hazard a guess it was a real pleasant surprise after all we’ve been through lately,” Rachel said, trying to put a good face on things.

“Yeah, that’s why he was showing off,” Lou muttered.  “‘Cause it was a pleasant surprise.  ‘Sides, no matter what he was thinkin’, shore looked ta me like she’s interested in more than rekindlin’ an old friendship.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Lou,” Rachel said, patting the younger woman’s shoulder reassuringly.  “It’s just the excitement of the moment for him.  It’ll wear off.  He loves you.”

“Mmmhm,” Lou frowned, continuing to scrub the pots while thinking of the engagement ring she still wore on a chain around her neck, nestled between her breasts next to her wedding ring, because it was ‘too soon to announce their plans to the rest of the grieving family.’ 

*******

Lou had spent the afternoon stewing over the Kid’s interaction with Doritha, Doritha Maxwell.  Rachel had shared the woman’s name with Lou, along with the fact she was married to some man named Garth and they now lived out at the old McCaskill place.

Lou wasn’t sure what made her saltier, the fact a married woman was making cow eyes at Kid or the fact she and her husband had snatched up a ranch Lou’d been eying for their future spread.  Now, no matter what happened with the Maxwells, the place would forever be tainted in Lou’s mind.

Lou worked hard to hold onto her temper.  It had been an hour since Kid got back from his late run and he still hadn’t come in for supper. She closed the door to the heating compartment in the oven with his plate in it with exaggerated care, keeping his supper warm for him.  With equal care she untied the apron she was wearing and hung it on its hook by the counter.

“Lou,” Rachel said quietly as the younger woman walked past her to the bunkhouse door, “take a moment to consider, this is what Kid feels every time he gets jealous over you and Jimmy or some other young man.  Don’t hold others' actions against him.  Give him a chance to explain himself.”

Lou paused.  She sucked in a deep breath and opened the door without acknowledging Rachel’s words.  She would try.  That’s all she could do.  She wouldn’t make any promises.

**********

Kid had given Katy an extra special rub down when he came in, taking his time about making sure her coat was shining.  Seeing Doritha today had shifted something inside him and he couldn’t figure out what, how or why.

Doritha had been a playmate, a first love, the woman he’d based all others on.  Doritha had been the model Lou had feared she’d never live up to, or had feared he wanted her to live up to.  In a way he had.  Doritha always turned to Kid when she needed something.  Around her he always felt strong, capable, invincible, even.

But that meant he knew her ways and there had been something off about the way she’d responded to him.  He could’ve sworn she wasn’t surprised to see him this afternoon.  Which raised the question, why?  And what did she want or need from him?  Was it something he could still freely give?  Or even wanted to give?

“Kid?”

Startled out of his thoughts, Kid realized he’d climbed up onto the wall of Katy’s stall and was sitting there picking a piece of hay apart even as he tried to pick Doritha’s motives to bits.

“Over here, Lou,” he said.

He watched as she walked over to him.  He could tell she was holding herself very tightly, like she was trying not to lose control.  He wondered what was wrong.  Knowing Lou, he’d find out soon enough, he supposed, smiling a bit to himself.

It was one of the things he loved about her, no games, no pretense.  He always knew where he stood with her, even if he didn’t like that particular spot.

Lou came to a stop in front of him.

“You got back an hour ago.  I was wonderin’ if somethin’ happened?”

Kid shook his head.

“Just thinkin’.”

Lou sunk her hands to the bottom of the deep pockets of her work skirt, pulling it taut over her stomach.  He watched as their child made her stomach bulge and swirl beneath the skirt.  He heard the tremor in her voice as she asked, “About what?”

Sliding down off the wall, he took her hands in his and bussed her cheek, grinning slightly.

“Nothin.”

Taking a deep breath, Lou stepped back, pulling her hands out of Kid’s grasp.

“That… that lady who was here before… Who is she?”

Kid kept this grin to himself. He’d known that question would be coming, sooner or later.  His Lou had spent enough time hanging in the shadows, watching others, she could read just about anyone.  He shrugged.

“Just someone I used to know,” he said.

“In Virginia?”

Kid nodded.  It was his turn to sink his hands into his pockets as he looked down, studying the toes of his dirty boots.

“Were you two, uh, you know, close?”

“Well, we grew up together.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Look, Lou,” Kid started, not wanting to hurt her.  He paused, not sure how to go on.  “We were young.  It was a long time ago.  We’re both married now.  She’s just… a nice reminder of the good things I have to remember, ‘stead of the bad.”

“I get that,” Lou said. 

“She invited us over tomorrow to catch up,” he added, looking up at Lou hopefully.  “She and Garth, that’s her husband, are living out at the old McCaskill place.”

“I know,” Lou said quietly.  “Rachel tol’ me.”

“I want to introduce you,” Kid said proudly, reaching up to sweep a hand down her cheek, then letting that same hand come to rest at the top of the rise of her belly.  “Both of you.”

Lou stiffened.

“How?  It’d look strange, you bringing along a co-worker to meet up with old friends like that.”

“As my wife!” Kid said, as if Lou was short a screw or two for not figuring it out.

Anger covered her features.

“Lemme get this straight,” she grit out, “you won’t tell our family we’re engaged, won’t plan a weddin’ with me, but you’ll tell some woman I’ve never met that we’re married and havin’ a baby?”

She shook her head so hard her hair pulled free of the ribbon tying it back and flew in her face.

“Yeah. I don’t think so, Kid.  Family’s family and company’s company.”

She turned to walk away before she said something she’d regret.  She knew the green-eyed monster was riding her hard and didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“It’s late and I’m tired,” she said wearily.  “Yer supper’s in the oven.  Better go eat.”

Kid watched her walk out of the barn, closing the doors behind her with a bit more force than necessary.

“Sure, Lou.  Whatever you want,” he whispered, shoulders slumping.

**********

Kid slowed Katy as he rode up to the old McCaskill place.  Despite another try on his part, Lou’d refused to come with him, so he was alone.  He liked how being around Doritha again had made him feel and looked forward to spending more time with her.

As he came around the bend in the road, he immediately saw Doritha sitting in a ladylike sprawl. And how was that possible, by the way? he wondered.  He’d never seen Doritha do anything that wasn’t ladylike.  She was playing with her miniature dolls and their dollhouse. How had she never grown out of playing with dolls?

When he’d left Virginia three years ago, she’d been 16 and already taking guff from others throughout the community for not putting away her childish ways.  He’d’ve thought, being a married woman and all, she’d have finally moved on. Guess not.

But he still couldn’t resist the bright smile she turned his way as he reached the wide porch of the big ranch house to greet him.

“I was afraid you’d forgotten me.”

Kid hopped off Katy’s back and tied her to the hitching post.

“I doubt anyone could forget you,” he laughed slightly.

“Why, Kid, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day.”

Kid basked in her adoring gaze.  He knew coming here was a good choice, even if he couldn’t bring Lou with him. Spying the now closed up dollhouse out of the corner of his eye, he stop his mind from comparing the two women yet again.  Lou would never waste her time on a brand-new ranch playing with dolls.  Well, not unless she was teaching their baby to play with them.

“I just always knew we’d see each other again,” Doritha said, graciously handing him a glass of cold cider.

Kid startled, looking at her in surprise. He’d given up thoughts of seeing her again years ago. Too much life had come between them and what they’d had. Though in the last months he’d thought frequently about whether he had enough money to send back to her, paying off his debt.

“You did?”

“Friends like we were all those years, that’s not somethin’ that just goes away, ya know,” she purred.

Kid felt a shiver of discomfort slither down his back at her tone.  Unsure why, he changed the subject.

“I see you’ve still got your miniatures.”

Doritha chuckled.

“Garth gets upset every time we move because we have to pack ‘em and handle ‘em so carefully. But, oh, they do give me comfort.”

For once in his life, Kid thought, he agreed with Garth on something.

*****

Uncomfortable sitting on the porch with Doritha staring at him so adoringly, Kid had suggested a walk.  Now they ambled along down by the river, Doritha picking flowers and Kid tossing sticks and stones into the water, reliving the best parts of their childhoods, one memory at a time.

With each memory, guilt pricked at Kid’s conscience.  He’d noticed Doritha never said anything about the time when his Pa had turned mean, then abandoned the family, or about his own departure from Manassas. He knew he owed her the money she’d lent him to come West and an apology for not sending for her, like he’d once promised. Was that why she’d tracked him down to Rock Creek?  And how’d she manage that anyway?

Suddenly, Doritha stopped and turned to face him.

“It’s me, Kid. Remember? Ya gonna spit it out or keep me guessin’?”

Kid inwardly cursed himself for getting distracted by his own concerns.  Instead of asking what he really wanted to know, he asked, “After I left Virginia, what happened?”

Now it was Doritha’s turn to avoid answering.

“Why talk about that, now? Those days are over now.”

Kid’s eyes narrowed.  Something was up.  He reached out to grab her upper arm, keeping her from turning away.

In a softer tone, worried what the answer might be, he asked, “Doritha, tell me.  Please.”

Sighing, Doritha finally said, “A few months later, Papa died and we ended up losin’ everythin’.” 

She paused, as if forcing herself to forget the sadness and retain her trademark cheerful babbling tone, then continued.

“Then Garth asked me to marry him. I said, ‘No,” at first.  But he finally wore me down.”

She laughed as if at an unspoken joke she knew Kid would understand.

“Garth’s nothin’, if not persistent.”

Kid raised an eyebrow in grim acknowledgement and shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, patting her hand where it rested on his forearm.

“Whatever for? You always wanted to see the world,” Doritha smiled softly.  “I knew that.”

“I’ve got some money now,” Kid said, thinking of his grubstake.  It’d take a chunk out of what he’d saved to start a ranch with Lou, but being debt free would be worth it.  “Let me pay you back.”

Doritha just shook her head.

“That’s very sweet of you, Kid.  But I don’t want your money.”

“Doritha, you don’t understand.  If it weren’t for you, I…”

Doritha stopped him by pressing the fingers of her free hand over his lips.

“I understand just fine.  Now, you hush up,” she said.  “Besides, you’d have done the same for me and you know it.” 

He smiled slightly.  He would have.  Her smile widened.

“Now, enough of that. It’s so pretty out here it’d be a sin not to enjoy ourselves.”

She turned and resumed her ramble along the river.  When he realized she wasn’t waiting for him, Kid quickly tossed the last stone in his hand into the water and then trotted to catch up with her.  Maybe she hadn’t deliberately sought him out, after all.  Maybe, just maybe, this was the happy coincidence she presented it as.

*****

Lou just didn’t buy the story that Kid’s old friend had accidentally stumbled on him here in Rock Creek.  They were too far from Manassas, in too small of a town, with no reason for their names to get out to the wider world.  Coincidences this big just didn’t happen in her book.  That snake in the grass wanted something from Kid, and Lou feared what it might be.

Already, she was stealing Kid’s help and attention away.  Lou’d woken this morning with her back aching and, forgetting Kid had promised to go visiting, she’d asked him to help her hang the laundry.

He’d said he couldn’t.  He’d promised that other woman he’d be by today.  Was this the way it would always be?  His promises to her, Lou refused to think the woman’s name, taking precedence over his responsibilities to his wife and child? 

Lou knew she was being unreasonable.  She was the one who’d wanted to put off making their relationship public for so long.  She understood why Kid wanted to take things slow this time.  But it just felt like slow really meant not at all lately.

*****

Doritha grabbed Kid’s hand, holding on to it almost desperately as he got ready to mount Katy and head home.  He’d had a nice time walking down memory lane, but he knew Lou had wanted his help today.  At the same time, he still felt like Doritha needed, wanted something from him she wasn’t spitting out.  He felt torn between the two women.

“Thank you for a wonderful afternoon.”

Kid found himself staring deeply into Doritha’s eyes, trying to make her tell him what was going on.  Then he started as he realized she was slowly leaning toward him, as if for a kiss, like Lou had done a time or two.  Except, this time, he felt no temptation to match the lean in and meet her lips with his. 

He wondered at that. There was a time he’d’ve given anything for the chance to kiss Doritha.  But, Doritha wasn’t his Louise, he realized.  He shook himself free of the momentary trance.

“Well,” he muttered, pulling back from Doritha’s grasp and turning to Katy. 

He nodded a farewell as he mounted, tipping his hat and using his knees to turn Katy toward home.

****

“I hope you don’t mind,” that already hated almost breathless Virginia drawl sounded behind Lou, “but I so enjoyed catchin’ up with Kid the other day, I thought I’d return the favor.”

Lou stiffened, turning to see the blonde woman standing there with a covered dish in her hands.

“I came bearin’ my famous lemon gingerbread cake,” she said, holding the dish out like a peace offering which her next words negated.  “It’s Kid’s favorite!”

“Is it,” Lou muttered, leaning the dasher of the butter churn she’d been using up against the bunkhouse wall and wiping the sweat off her forehead.

“My name’s Doritha.  Doritha Maxwell,” the other woman said.

“I know,” Lou sighed, resting her tight fists on her hips.  Kid liked this woman, said they’d been great friends as children.  She would force herself to be polite.  “Kid ain’t back yet.  Won’t be here for another hour or so.”

Doritha climbed the steps to the bunkhouse, set the cake pan down on the bench and took a seat next to it.  She appeared to be settling in for an afternoon visit. 

“I don’t mind waitin’,” she added, leaning back against the bunkhouse wall.

“Can’t talk much,” Lou muttered, reaching out to grab the dasher again.  “Gotta finish the butter or Cody and Noah’ll throw a fit.  They like butter on their biscuits.”

“Oh, butter is quite lovely on biscuits, fresh from the ice house, nice and cold, then melted over a warm biscuit,” Doritha sighed.  “Almost as good as biscuits and gravy.  That’s another of Kid’s favorites.”

Lou bit her tongue.  She wasn’t so sure about that.  Kid had never once even tasted Rachel’s biscuits and gravy, almost as if he hated the dish.  She straightened a bit as she began to pound the dasher down into the churn full of half butter, half buttermilk.

“Name’s Louise,” she grunted.  “Louise McCloud.”

She had decided to do all she could to be pleasant to this woman, for Kid’s sake.  She’d been doing a lot of her own thinking the last couple of days and had decided to follow Emma’s advice. 

When she’d been visiting Emma and Sam, they’d talked a lot about relationships and how to grow a strong, enduring one.  According to Emma and Sam both, Kid had the right of it right now with taking things slow.  It went against the grain, but Lou was trying to play along. She wanted this to work.

But something else Emma had said had been niggling at Lou’s mind since Doritha came to town.

“Kid’s got a past, so do you, everyone does,” Emma’d said. “There’ll be times that past will rear its ugly head.  In the process it can make or break a relationship.  That’s why you’ve got to decide ahead of time what’ll happen.”

“I don’t understand,” Lou’d said.

“It’s like this, Lulabelle, love… it ain’t somethin’ that happens to you, it’s somethin’ you do, a choice you make.  When you’re young, it’s easy to get caught up in the feelings of the moment, that shortness of breath every time he comes into the room, the butterflies in your stomach every time he swoops in for a kiss, the fluttering of your heart when he asks you to dance.”

Emma had a dreamy smile on her face as she explained. Lou wondered what moments with Sam she was thinking about.

“But, that ain’t love,” Emma concluded.

“It ain’t?”

Emma shook her head, “No.”

“Love is gettin’ up first on a cold mornin’ ta get the fire goin’,  Love is holdin’ his hand when he’s mournin’ his first wife. Love is him bein’ there ta carry in the firewood cause yer heavy with his babe,” Emma paused to look straight into Lou’s eyes.  “See, all them feelin’s… they come and go.  But the little things you do, the partnership you build, that’ll see ya through all the between times, too. If you don’t have those little things, your relationship will fall apart as soon as the feelings fade away.  And they always fade away!”

“But, what’s that got ta do with our pasts showin’ up?” Lou questioned.  “How’s being a partner, doin’ fer each other, how’s that help ya survive when old…stuff comes up?”

“Old stuff… or old loves will bring back those feelin’s at first.  Especially if it was happy old stuff,” Emma grinned conspiratorially.  “But, if you’ve both made a decision ahead of time not to let anything come between you, to love each other with your actions, not just chase yer feelings, then that old stuff, no matter how good or bad can’t steal him from you.”

Old love, Lou thought to herself.  I’ve already decided you can’t have him.  I won’t let you get between us. Leastwise, not on my part. The rest is up to Kid.

Half-listening to Doritha’s chatter about how she’d made the cake sitting next to her, Lou sighed.

The deciding had been easy, she thought, compared to the doing, which apparently included being nice to a woman who’d obviously been Kid’s first flame.

*****

“So there we were in a ragin’ river with the rain just pourin’ down on us, holdin’ on fer dear life.”

Lou watched with an increasingly sour stomach as Doritha held court at the bunkhouse table.  She had the rapt attention of everyone there, Jimmy, Buch, Noah, Rachel, as she shared stories from Kid’s youth.

“Garth was already turnin’ blue and, all of a sudden, Kid comes divin’ in, shoutin’, ‘Hold on! I’m comin’!’ Saved our lives.”

Rachel smiled as she topped off everyone’s coffee cups.  The bitter brew was needed to cut the super sweet flavors of Doritha’s cake.

“That’s the Kid, alright,” Rachel said.

“Never told us you were a genuine, real-life hero,” Buck laughed at the incongruity of calling such a paltry rescue ‘heroism’ in the face of what they’d all gone through over the last year.

Lou appreciated that Doritha’s stories had at last brought a smile to his beloved face.

Kid shook his head, smiling at Buck’s teasing.

“It wasn’t a river,” he told Buck.  Turning to Doritha he added, “It was a creek.”

“You can call it whatever you want.  But all I know is I was in over my head.”

Lou’d had enough being nice.  Her polite-o-meter had done run out.  Kid’s entire attention all evening had been focused on Doritha, her neat blonde curls, her carefully manicured hands, her polished repertoire of stories and conversational gambits.

Lou looked down at her own hands, the nails ragged, the palms callused.  She ran a hand over her own growing, but still short hair, not long enough yet for any sort of styling.

“Excuse me,” she said quietly. “I got chores to do.”

Kid turned to watch her leave, his heart hurting.  He knew Doritha’s presence was hard on her, but he needed to find out what was going on.  He’d have to find Lou and explain.  Explain he had a debt to pay.  It was something he’d meant to tell her months ago, but it just seemed like other things kept taking precedence.

At the same time, he knew he’d been avoiding the conversation because he feared admitting to his past with Doritha would hurt Lou, the last thing he wanted to do.

He didn’t see Doritha’s questioning gaze as she watched him watch Louise leave the room.  Doritha wondered who this young, very pregnant woman was to him.  They’d introduced her as a widow of a former rider.  But Doritha would lay odds there was more to it than that.

As Lou walked away from the bunkhouse toward the big house she shared with Rachel now, she heard Jimmy ask, “Doritha, there’s something we’ve been dying to know for a long time, now.  Maybe you can help us out.  He does have a real name, right? Besides the Kid?”

“Jimmy,” Kid practically begged him to drop it with just the way he said the other man’s name. 

Lou half-smiled.  She knew Jimmy as well as Kid.  That would just egg him on.

Doritha’s bright laugh trilled through the night air.

“Of course he does.  I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.  It’s… “

Lou paused, waiting to hear.  This, again, was something Kid had never told her but this other woman already knew.

“Do you know?  It seems to have slipped my mind.”

****

Rachel had watched it all, Lou watching Kid and Doritha, Kid watching Lou, Doritha watching Kid.  She, too, thought something was off with this old friend of Kid’s and the coincidence of her sudden appearance here.

“That was a wonderful dinner,” Doritha said as she pulled her shawl around her shoulders in preparation for the drive home. 

Kid had gone out to saddle Katy and tie her to the back of Doritha’s buckboard. He didn’t want her driving all the way out to the McCaskill place after dark. 

“Why, thank you,” Rachel said.  Then, unable to help herself, added, “You know, I just can’t get over what an amazing coincidence it is, you and the Kid running into each other all the way out here?”

Doritha laughed.

“It is amazing, isn’t it? Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

She walked through the open bunkhouse door into the brisk night air.

“Doritha!” Rachel called, pulling her attention back.  “Look, whatever you’re here for is your business.  I just don’t want to see him getting hurt.  Alright?”

Doritha raised her eyebrows at Rachel’s mild reproach but didn’t respond.

******

Kid sighed.  The McCaskill place wasn’t far out of town, but the drive had felt like it was taking forever.  He was exhausted.  While he loved having Doritha at dinner, the surprise had come on the heels of a strenuous run. 

Lou would never have done something so thoughtless.  If she’d wanted to spring a surprise dinner on him, she’d have made sure it was on a day he didn’t have a run.  She was thoughtful like that.

He snorted to himself, realizing he was comparing the two women yet again.  And, again, Lou was coming out on top.  The whole thing made him wonder what Doritha and Garth’s relationship was like.

“I’m sorry Garth couldn’t make it,” he said, breaking into Doritha’s cheerful babble.

“Are you?” she asked.  Then she changed the subject.  “Your friends are nice.”

Kid smiled.

“Yeah, I’m pretty lucky, I guess.”

“If you ask me, I’d say they’re very lucky to have you,” she said.  Then added, “What about that girl, um, Louise?”

From her change of tone, Kid could tell this was what she’d been angling to ask him ever since they’d left the station.  He shifted uncomfortably.  He wanted to tell Doritha that Louise was everything to him, his wife, the mother of his coming child, his best friend.  But Lou didn’t want him to share that with her yet.

Instead, he responded with a question, “What about her?”

Doritha chuckled.

“C’mon, Kid.  I know the look you were giving her,” she chided.  “I was nine when you first gave me that same look.”

Kid doubted that. He didn’t think he’d ever looked at Doritha the same way he looked at Lou.  Louise.  He’d loved Doritha, true.  At the time he’d thought it was romantic love.  But time, distance, age, and Lou, had shown him otherwise.  It had been more the love of a brother for a sister.  And, as Jimmy’d once pointed out, he’d never looked at Lou like a brother!

Kid sighed in relief to see the ranch house come into view.  Saved by the bell, so to speak.

“Here we are,” he announced almost eagerly, pulling the buckboard to a stop.  He quickly hopped out and reached up to help Doritha down.

“Well, whadda ya know.  Look who’s here?”

Kid turned, surprised by the voice wafting from the dark porch, full of a sarcastic anger.

“Garth!” Kid said, recognizing the man stepping out of the shadows.  Garth had always been as much enemy as friend in their younger years.  “Good to see ya!”

Garth looked pointedly down at the ticking pocket watch he held in one hand.

“Doritha,” he said, without looking at her.  “Go inside.”

Doritha paused in her path up the steps onto the porch, looking at Garth as if she hadn’t understood him.

“What?”

Garth just stared at her.  Kid shifted uncomfortably. He’d worried about this. He wasn’t sure if this was the normal state of their marriage or if this was just Garth’s reaction to seeing him.  He’d always seemed to be jealous of any time Kid spent with Doritha.  

Either way, he just wanted to yell at the other man, he wasn’t a threat.  He had his own lady love safe at home.

“What’s gotten into you?” Doritha hissed under her breath at Garth, though Kid could still hear her.

“I said go inside,” he repeated.  “Me and the Kid here we just got a little catchin’ up ta do, that’s all.”

Doritha sighed and looked over her shoulder back at Kid.  He nodded tensely.  Her staying out here would just make Garth twitchier.  She walked inside, Garth watching her every swaying step.  Kid watched Garth.

“She’s quite a woman, isn’t she?”

Kid knew better than to say anything.

“Well, isn’t she?”  Garth prodded.

Kid just smiled half-heartedly.  If this was what Doritha wanted his help with, he wasn’t sure he could do anything.  He couldn’t see Garth physically hurting Doritha and that was the only reason Kid might step into the middle of their marriage.  Anything else was up to them to figure out.

“I’d better go,” he said, not giving the other man a clue as to his thoughts.

Garth wasn’t done, though.  He stepped up to the edge of the porch as Kid moved to Katy, unhitching her from the back of the buckboard and mounting up

“You know, I really oughta be thankin’ you…” Garth opined.  “If you hadn’ta taken her money and left when you did, it might’ve been you who was there when she needed a friend.  Maybe you’d be rich, have a fine woman for a wife.  And I’d be the two-bit hero riding for the Pony Express.  That’s kinda funny, now, don’tcha think?”

Kid shook his head.  He’d never understood Garth’s insecurities and had no time to pamper them now.

“Good night, Garth.”

“Stay away from her, Kid,” Garth said in a new, much harder voice.  “She’s mine, now.”

Kid shook his head in disbelief and turned Katy toward home.  He needed to talk to Lou.  But he’d barely gotten out of the front yard when he heard Doritha screaming from inside the house.

He swung Katy back around just as he heard Doritha yell, “For God’s sake, Garth, what is he talkin’ about?”

Flying off Katy’s back, Kid ran quickly, and as quietly as possible, to the front door, his revolver already in his hand, cocked and ready to fire.  Kicking the door open, he quickly realized what was happening.  Some bandido was holding Doritha and pointing a gun at Garth. 

At the sound of Kid’s entrance, the muzzle of the bandido’s gun tracked in Kid’s direction.  Not taking any chances, Kid fired twice, sending the gunman flying back.

****

Lou had been sitting on her bed brushing her hair, thinking about how to stick to her decision, to actively love Kid at a time when she wanted to smack him upside the head, when she heard the increasing sound of rapidly pounding hooves headed into the station yard.  From their rhythm, she could tell it wasn’t Katy.  She could also tell it was trouble.

She ran to the window to look out on the yard.  A young man, barely more than a boy, sat atop a winded horse, calling for the Marshall.

“There’s been a shootin’!  Come quick!”

“Who’s been shot?” she breathlessly yelled down. Please, not Kid!

“Don’t know,” the youngster responded.  “Kid jes’ tol’ me ta get the Marshall out ta the McCaskill place fast!  I work out there and I heard gunshots comin’ from the main house!”

“I’m comin’,” Teaspoon grumbled, walking out from his room behind the tack shed.  He was pulling his suspenders over his shoulders, his marshal’s star already hanging on his shirt.

“I’m comin’, too,” Lou shouted down.

Teaspoon waited until she’d gotten downstairs and joined him in his rush toward the barn.

“You sure this is a good idea?” he asked her.

“If Kid’s callin’ fer ya, he’s involved somehow, even if he ain’t been shot, Teaspoon,” she said.  “I gotta be there.”

Teaspoon nodded reluctantly. 

*****

Teaspoon looked at the body laying in the back of a receding buckboard as the undertaker drove off.  Doritha and Garth had stayed back at the ranch.  But Kid wasn’t satisfied with their answers to Teaspoon’s questions. Heck, Teaspoon wasn’t happy with them.

The Marshal rubbed the back of his neck.

“I wished I could help ya, Kid,” he said to the younger man who was pacing back and forth in front of Teaspoon.  Lou lay curled up on the bench under the office window, snoozing.  She’d fallen asleep on their way back to town.  “But your friend’s never seen him before.”

Kid came to a stop. 

“Yeah.  I know,” he sighed.

Teaspoon understood how Kid felt, though, and he hadn’t even been the one to pull the trigger that ended the man’s life.

“It’s a terrible thing, killing a man and not knowing why,” he said.  “But ya done what ya could, Kid.  Ya gotta remember that.” 

He paused, lowering his voice a touch so as not to wake Lou in the middle of this conversation.

“Is there somethin’ else eatin’ at ya?”

Kid leaned down to pull Lou’s blanket up around her shoulders a bit tighter.  Standing, he turned back to the Marshall and continued.

“I used ta know Garth real well, Teaspoon.  He ain’t a bad sort. It’s just, he was always the kind that would take what they want. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Teaspoon shrugged.  “People change,” he added, trying to be helpful.

“Not Garth.”

“You got the feeling you busted up somethin’ more than a simple robbery?”

“I don’t know,” Kid sighed.  “It coulda been.”

“Want me ta go out there and talk ta him again?”

“Naw. That’s somethin’ I better do myself,” Kid decided, turning toward Katy, tied to the hitching post in front of the Marshall’s office.  “Will ya make sure Lou gets home?”

The older man nodded.

“Thanks, Teaspoon.”

“Kid, uh, you and Doritha, you was, uh… “  Teaspoon ended by shaking his hand back and forth meaningfully.

Kid smiled in resignation.  “A long time ago.”

“For you, maybe,” Teaspoon said, shaking his head.  “Be careful, son.”

Lou’s eyes slitted open as she heard Katy begin trotting down the street.  She’d awoken when Kid tucked her into the blanket.  His words to Teaspoon had confirmed at least some of her suspicions. The question was, did he still love that other woman?  Did he regret his marriage, engagement, whatever it was they had?  Or was he still willing to fight for them?

*****

Kid stopped by the barn to switch horses, giving Katy a quick rubdown and a generous portion of oats and mash to reward her for all her hard work through the night.  Then he quickly saddled up one of the Express’ Indian ponies.

He walked out of the barn leading the pretty little mustang by the reins, talking quietly to her as she looked around nervously.

“Ridin’ to the rescue?”

Kid sighed.  He’d hoped Lou would sleep through his departure.  He wasn’t ready for this conversation, a conversation she apparently was determined to have right now.  Trying to buy himself time, he turned to the pony and double checked the cinch strap, yanking it just a bit tighter.

“Kid, even if she is in trouble, you may not be able to help out.”

“I gotta try.”

“Why?” Lou asked softly.

“Because she needs me.”

And I don’t?  Lou thought to herself sarcastically. 

Out loud, she said, “You sure it’s you she needs? Or just a way out?”

“I gotta go,” Kid said shortly, putting his foot in the stirrup and starting to swing himself into the saddle.

“What do you owe her, Kid?”

Gathering the reins in one hand, Kid looked down at Lou.

“My life,” he started, then paused.  Taking a deep breath, he pushed on, “After my Ma died, I needed to leave Virginia. I needed ta make my way somewhere else.  Doritha gave me the money to pay off her debts.”

“You could always pay her back.”

Kid strangled a morbid laugh at that.  He’d tried.  Oh, how he’d tried!  But there was one more thing Lou needed to know, something else he was feeling guilty over.

“Well, it ain’t that simple,” he sighed.  “I said I’d send for her.”

“And you never did?”

Kid shook his head.

Lou tilted hers in question.  “Why not?”

“Well, I meant to. I was fifteen. Things were rough. Before I knew it, time passed,” Kid explained slowly.  “I could hardly remember what she looked like.”  And I met you and you took my breath away, he thought.  And isn’t it ridiculous I’m now feeling guilty fer fallin’ in love with my own wife?  “About that time, her family had lost everything they had and she married Garth.”

“You couldn’t help that,” Lou pointed out.

“Well, I don’t know.”  Kid paused.  He shrugged again.  “If I hadn’t left like I did, things would be different.  She wouldn’t be in trouble now.”

“Kid…”

“Lou, I know you’re tryin’ ta help, but leave me alone, alright?”

“But it ain’t yer fault,” Lou continued stubbornly.

Maybe it was his conflicting emotions and feeling guilty for everything, no matter what he did.  Maybe it was the lack of sleep.  But Kid suddenly felt his temper snap. 

He swung his horse around and leaned down to hiss, “And you ain’t listenin’!  I tol’ ya ta leave me alone!”

He regretted it the instant the words were out of his mouth.  He could tell Lou was trying hard to be reasonable in the middle of a mess that was none of her doing but was still tilting her word on end as much as his.

He sighed as her eyes rounded to twice their size.  Suddenly, she turned and headed for the pony standing, saddled, ready for the morning’s first run.

“Lou!” he called, afraid she was about to mount up and ride off.  But she suddenly clapped a hand to her side, almost as if she already had a stitch in it, and swerved around the edge of the bunkhouse.  Her other hand came up to cover her mouth.

Kid blew the last of the air in his lungs out into the morning sky, knowing he’d screwed up.  Again. 

Jimmy watched Lou running off into the prairie, Kid looked dejectedly after her.  What had happened now?  He turned and lit out after Lou at a slow jog.  Her fastest run right now wasn’t hard for him to catch up to.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” he asked when he got within speaking distance.

She didn’t answer, continuing to run toward the rising sun.

Jimmy paused for a moment to watch her go.  Raising his hands out to his sides, he called after her, “Where ya goin’?”

When she still didn’t respond, he shook his head in exasperated indignation and picked up his pace to catch her up again.

“Lou, hold up!”

Her eyes blinded by tears, Lou stumbled over a clump of prairie grasses, falling to her knees.  Jimmy skidded to her side with immediate concern.

“Dammit, Jimmy! What’d ya follow me for?”

“You had me worried, the way you took off out of there,” Jimmy explained.  Running a hand down her back in concern he asked, “Are you alright?”

“I guess so,” Lou said, falling back onto her rear and rubbing at the knee she’d landed on.  “I just don’t like feelin’ this way.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” she muttered, picking up a clod of dirt she’d kicked up and tossing it out into the prairie.  “Crowded when I’m with him, crazy when I’m not.”

Yup.  It was Kid again, Jimmy grimaced to himself.  He shook his head in disbelief.  Would these two ever get on the same page?

“I just feel like I’m losin’ him,” she whispered.  “And I don’t understand why.  Why’s he gotta keep goin’ ta her rescue?”

Lou looked up at Jimmy with tear tracks on her cheeks already drying.  

“Why do people need each other, anyway?”

Jimmy chuckled.

“I don’t know, Lou,” he said.  If only he did, life would be so much easier!  “That’s a tough one.”

*****

Well, that second trip out to the McCallister, or rather the Maxwell Ranch had been a waste of time and energy.  He’d gotten nothing new from Garth.  Even Doritha had kept silent, though he could tell she wasn’t happy about something.

Kid sighed, then half-grinned to himself.  Seemed he’d been doing that a lot lately.  But he felt a decision coming, one he wasn’t quite ready to admit to, but needed to settle, for Lou’s sake as well as his.

He needed to find a way to cut the ties binding him to Doritha.  He’d loved her once.  But their time had passed.  And it just wasn’t healthy, for either of them, to dwell in the past as they’d been doing the last few days.

He looked over at his bunk, where the money he’d just withdrawn from the bank rested in his saddlebag.  It was time to pay off his debt and cut the ties that bound him so tightly to Doritha. 

Garth had made it clear he was no longer welcome at the ranch, so he moved over to where Rachel kept pen, ink and paper stored.  He’d write a letter, explaining, and send one of the others over with the money and the letter.  Maybe Buck?  No, not a good idea.  Noah, either.  Jesse.  He’d send Jesse. 

Sitting down, Kid stared at the blank sheet he’d pulled out, trying to formulate the words he needed to write before putting ink to the paper.  He didn’t want to waste Rachel’s supplies.

Finally, he dipped the pen in the inkwell and began.

Dear Doritha,

I know you didn’t expect this, but I…

He paused as a knock sounded at the bunkhouse door.  That was odd, he thought. No one really knocked at that door.

“It’s open,” he called.

Doritha stepped through the door, closing it quickly behind her and leaning back against it.

“Hello, Kid.”

Kid could immediately tell something was off.  He quickly flipped the letter he was writing over to hide the words and stood up.

“Doritha? What’s wrong?”

“It’s just amazin’ how long you can go on foolin’ yerself.”

“What are you talkin’ about?” Kid asked, moving around the table in the middle of the room to stand directly in front of Doritha.  “Garth’s in trouble, isn’t he?”

Her face crumpled as she flung her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head into the crook of his neck and wailing.

“Yes. Oh, please, take me away from here, Kid.”

Ridin’ ta the rescue?  Lou’s words echoed in his mind as Doritha outlined a plan for the two of them to run off together. What do ya owe her, Kid?

“We can start over again, just the two of us. I’ll do anything.”

Doritha suddenly broke off her words to pull his shoulders toward her, leaning up on tiptoe to press a kiss to his lips.  He stiffened in surprise, then pushed her away from him, trying to be gentle about yet but not giving her a chance to continue.

“Please!” Doritha begged.

“Doritha, I… I can’t.  I’m sorry.  It’s too late,” Kid said.  Our time has passed.  You’re married.  I’m married.  And I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.  But he could hardly tell her that.  It would mortify her and she was already obviously upset.

“After all I did for you?”

“Doritha!” Kid remonstrated. 

Before he could add another word, she pulled away, turning to flounce out the door.

“Just stay away from me!” she suddenly said in heated anger.

Kid followed her out onto the bunkhouse porch, grabbing her arm to stop her as she reached to begin unwrapping her horse's reins from the hitching post.

“Doritha, just tell me what happened!”  Tell me what I’ve gotta fix so we can move on with our lives, he thought.

*****

Kid had found himself unsurprised by all that Doritha had told him about what she’d discovered.  Theft was something he’d expect of a Garth struggling to survive.  He’d always been a taker.

“What’s goin’ ta happen to us, Kid?”

“I don’t know,” Kid said, shaking his head.  He kept Katy to a slow walk, matching her gate to that of Doritha’s smaller horse so they could talk.  “If Garth was tellin’ the truth and those other fellas did the robbery, it may not be too bad.”

“He’ll go to jail, though.”

Kid couldn’t say no to that.  It was definitely a possibility.

“When I find out all he’s done, what if I can’t forgive him?”

Pulling Katy to a stop at the ranch house porch, Kid dismounted.

He shrugged.  He wasn’t Teaspoon.  Advice wasn’t his thing.  He had enough of his own romantic struggles to figure out without delving into others, even Doritha’s. 

“All you can do is try,” he said after a pregnant pause.

Finished tying Katy and Doritha’s horse to the hitching post, Kid looked up and caught a glimpse of boots, toes up, laying in the dirt just off the edge of the porch.  He stiffened as he realized Garth was still wearing them, but he wasn’t moving and never would again.

*****

Teaspoon stood next to the buckboard, holding up the blanket covering Garth’s body.  After a long look, he slowly lowered the blanket back over what was left of the man.

He scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, it might have been one man.  It might have been more,” he told Kid.  “Whoever it was, do you s’pose they got what they come for?”

“It’s gone.”

At the almost whispered words, Teaspoon and Kid looked over at Doritha.  She was sitting on the buckboard’s front bench, her arms wrapped around her middle.

Teaspoon stepped closer to her, leaning in as if to better understand her. 

“I beg yer pardon, ma’am?”

Doritha spoke again in a low monotone.

“The money Garth stole?  I threw it away.”  She finally looked up at Teaspoon and Kid.  “If I hadn’t, he’d still be alive.”

“Ma’am, you can never know that,” Teaspoon tried to reassure her.  She nodded though nothing about her body language indicated her agreement.  “You gotta ease up on yerself, Miz Maxwell.”

The Marshal turned back to Kid, pulling him back toward the end of the buckboard, and lowered his voice.

“Kid… whoever shot him might be comin’ after her.”

Kid looked back at Doritha and sighed.  Again.

“I know.”

*****

“Listen, boys, I know we’re a bit shorthanded right now with all the special runs we’ve been doing for the Army lately,” Teaspoon said.  “So, I need anyone who’s not on a run to take a shift on guard duty, alright?”

Lou straightened from the oven door, closing it behind the pan of biscuits she’d just slipped inside.  She turned her head toward where Teaspoon was meeting with riders.

“I can help, too,” she called over.

“Lou,” Teaspoon started to object.

She walked over and held out a hand to shush him.

“I may not be able ta ride right now, but my eyes work just fine,” she said firmly.  “And I can still pull a trigger and hit what I aim at!”

“She’s right,” Jimmy spoke up from the other end of the table.

Teaspoon held up both hands in surrender.

“Alright, Lou,” he said.  “You, too.”

He turned to Jimmy and pointed a finger at him.

“I’m puttin’ you on the same shift and you can explain ta Kid.”

“This is Kid’s rescue mission ta begin with,” Lou said.  “He oughta know I’d help out.”

Teaspoon stood up and squeezed her shoulder on his way to the door.

“I ain’t so sure that’s how he’s thinkin’ right now, girl.”

“I know,” she said softly.  “But I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

Teaspoon nodded. 

“That’s my gal!”

*****

Kid felt antsy.  He wanted to get back out to Teaspoon, looking for the man or men, or women, who’d shot Garth.  But Doritha seemed to keep coming up with things to keep him standing there in the middle of the bunkhouse, despite his reassurances she was completely safe here.

 “Wait.  I… I got somethin’ for ya,” she said this time. 

She set her carpetbag down on the bench at the table and reached inside, pulling something out.  She hid it in her hand as she walked back over to Kid, flipping her hand over to reveal a cheap brooch with a large green “gem” made of glass in the middle of it.  A gift Kid had given her when they were children.

He laughed at the sight and the memories it evoked.

“Remember?” she whispered.

He reached out, taking the brooch from her.  He shook his head in disbelief that he’d ever thought it a worthy gift for anyone, let alone a woman he’d thought to one day marry.

“Yeah,” he said softly.

“Why do we ever grow up?”

Kid sucked in a deep breath.  She’d hit the nail on the head for why he was struggling.  He’d grown up.  She seemed to have done her best not to.  What had appealed to him as a child, well, it no longer did.  He still felt warmly toward her, but, well, she just couldn’t hold a candle to Lou’s blazing torch.

He reached out to pat Doritha’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Get some rest. I’ll be back soon.”

This time he didn’t give her a chance to stop him, turning and heading straight for the door.

 “Kid?” she called.  He turned to look back at her.  “Be careful.”

*****

Why do we ever grow up?

Lou’d heard Doritha’s words and they kept echoing in her mind.  She wondered what they meant for her and Kid.  Were they a clarion call he couldn’t escape or an acceptance that things had changed so much and he was lost to his childhood sweetheart? 

She shook her head to try to free it of the circling thoughts as Buck took over for Jimmy, who had to go get ready for a run.

Buck, who’d relieved Jimmy a few minutes ago, leaned against the far porch post, watching down the street toward town for any oncomers.  Lou sat stretched out on the bench by the door, feet up on a wash bucket, staring out toward the prairie, watching for anything that didn’t belong.

Despite her apparent preoccupation, she heard the door creek and Doritha’s quick, mincing steps as she walked out.

“Can we talk?”

Lou shifted on her seat, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Sure,” she said, unwittingly falling back into the gruffer voice she’d used when out of town on a run.

“Alone.”

Lou looked up at Doritha, aggravated.

“Buck?” she called, getting his attention.  She nodded toward the cross street. He nodded back and walked around the corner of the bunkhouse.

She doubted he was really out of earshot, but that’s as far as either of them was willing to bend at this point.

Lou struggled to her feet, maneuvering the bulk of her belly carefully as she stood and faced Doritha, crossing her arms over her chest

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Lou wanted to roll her eyes but forced herself to just nod.

“It’s kind of personal,” Doritha said, getting quieter and stepping closer to the shorter woman.

Lou just looked at her.

“I know how you and the Kid feel about each other,” Doritha said. 

How?  Lou wondered.  Had Kid said something? 

“Why aren’t you…” Doritha let the question trail off.

Lou finished it for her.

“Together?”  She shrugged.  “We tried it once.  Time wasn’t right, I guess.”

No way in hell was she telling Doritha a single thing about her relationship with Kid, her hopes and dreams.

Doritha nodded.

“There was a time I’d have given anything for him to belong to me.”

Lou just stared at the blonde woman.  Like that was any sort of a revelation.  The urge to roll her eyes grew.

“Just tell me one thing, does he have any idea how lucky he is, having you for a friend?”

Lou relaxed her stance minuscully.  Doritha turned away, walking to the bunkhouse door.  She paused to look back at Lou.

“You be good to him, Louise,” she said, then disappeared back inside.

Lou’s body sagged as she relaxed completely, almost sliding back down onto the bench. 

*****

It had been another long day and a fruitless search for information.  Kid trudged back to the bunkhouse from the barn after settling Katy in for the night.  He wished he had better answers for Doritha, who he knew must be fretting.

He frowned when he realized Lou was still sitting on the bench by the bunkhouse door, as if she’d spent all day on guard, instead of taking shifts with the others.  She better not be over-exerting herself, he thought.  It wasn’t good for her or the baby.

“Any luck?”

The sound of her words startled him out of his reverie.  He just shook his head no, lacking the energy to say much else. The last week had drained him.

“Kid?”

He stopped to look at her.

“I can see why you loved her,” she said quietly.

Unsure what to say, Kid just looked deep into Lou’s eyes, searchingly.  When this was all over, they were going to need to have a long chat about things.  But first… he opened the door to the bunkhouse.

“Doritha?” he called out. 

But the room was empty, the back door open, swinging in the evening breeze.

*****

Dearest Kid,

I’m very grateful for all you’ve done for me, but my staying here puts you and your friends in danger.  And that’s something I cannot allow.

It’s a long time since I left Virginia.  Perhaps it’s time I went home.

Whatever happens, please don’t forget me.  I know I’ll never forget you. 

Love, Doritha

Kid folded the missive and slipped it into the pocket of his Sunday suit.  Doritha had left the letter for him sitting on the bunkhouse table before taking off and ending up getting herself killed.

Her final words gave him a lot to think about.  He was so lost in thought he didn’t hear Lou’s steps as she approached.

“I had a feelin’ I’d find ya here.”

He looked up with a sense of déjà vu.  She pulled her hat off her head.  He half-smiled at the incongruous sight.  Despite the frilly lavender dress she wore, she still clung to the hat from her riding days.  It made for an odd match, but one that was entirely his Lou.

“You did everything you could, Kid,” she said, coming to slowly lower herself onto the same fallen tree he was sitting on.

“Yeah.  I know,” he murmured.  “Don’t tell me you can’t save people from themselves.”

Lou quirked her head to the side, looking at him oddly.

“It’s true.”

“I don’t know, Lou,” he said, shaking his head.  “I never felt so alone, before. Even after Jed died.  Even after Ike died.”

Lou groaned as she lumbered to her feet, one hand resting protectively on the side of her belly.  She looked down at him seriously.

“You ain’t alone, Kid.  You got Teaspoon and the boys and Rachel.”  She looked away and then back to him as if deciding to commit herself.  “And I… I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

Kid peered up at her, a question on his face.  As their eyes met, his slight smile returned.  She reached out a hand to him and he grabbed it.

“I understand now,” she said quietly.  “What ya meant about needin’ ta be sure I wasn’t just pickin’ ya ‘cause you were the… easy choice, the one right in front of me.  I kinda needed that this last week myself.”

Kid tugged on her hand, pulling her down into his lap.  He nestled his chin into the crook of her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her belly, resting his hands atop hers.

“Before Doritha and Garth showed up,” he started slowly, “When we got word President Lincoln was calling up state militias to stop the South from seceding, I thought a lot ‘bout goin’ home.  ‘Specially after Jesse told me, maybe I shoulda been helpin’ Jed, instead of tryin’ ta convince him what he was doin’ was wrong.”

“But, Kid,” Lou started to interrupt him, turning her head to peer up at him.

“I know he was wrong.  Let me finish,” he said softly.  She nodded.  “It just got me thinkin’… about everythin’ I left behind to come out West.  Friends.  Family.  What’s left of ‘em.  The land itself.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“For a long time I thought it was the last time I’d see ‘em.  I though they’d be just memories.  And if… when war started, if those folks tried to take away my memories, I’d be goin’ back home.  Ta defend it, ya know?”

Lou shifted, full of worried questions but struggling to let him finish as he’d asked.

“Leavin’ you… leavin’ you woulda been the hardest thing I’d ever had ta do.”  His voice broke at the thought and he had to clear his throat to keep speaking.  “But stayin’ woulda been harder.  I thought.  I realized somethin’ this last week, though.”

He stopped speaking.  Finally, Lou couldn’t take it anymore.

“What did ya realize, Kid?” she asked softly.

“That Virginia, those people, they’re not my home anymore,” he whispered.  “You are.  You and our daughter.  And Teaspoon and Rachel, Emma and Sam, the boys.  Yer all my home.  Yer the memories I need ta protect from destruction, the people I need ta defend at all costs.  Yer the only ones I want ta be ridin’ ta the rescue for. When ye’ll let me,” he ended on a teasing note.

Lou felt a knot in the vicinity of her heart suddenly release, untying itself with terrifying speed.  An incoherent sound slipped past her lips as tears began streaming down her cheeks.

Kid reached out and tugged at the edge of the chain around her neck that carried her wedding and engagement rings.

“I think… I think it’s time ya start wearin’ this on yer finger,” he whispered in her ear.  “I think it’s time ta tell the world yer my home, forever and always.”